Oct 31, 2019

Trump Found In Possession Of Drugs By Hero Canine

Washington, DC, The US Secret Service and members of the elite US Army Special Forces came head to head in the Oval Office earlier today when Conan, the hero dog of the recent raid on ISIS leader al-Baghdadi visited the President to receive a Purple Heart for wounds received during the raid.

Moments after entering the Oval Office, Conan broke lose from his Special Forces handler, tore through surprised Secret Service body guards, and attacked President Trump knocking him to the floor.

As Special Forces officers pulled Conan from the President the Secret Service Agents pulled their guns and threatened to shoot Conan but Special Forces then drew their weapons causing a brief standoff.

When President Trump got up from the floor several pounds of heroin, cocaine, opium, and
Fentanyl spilled out of his torn clothing onto the floor prompting the Special Forces officers to immediately call the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency who responded within minutes to escort the President to an as yet undisclosed location somewhere in the White House.

Wackemall Network News has confirmed that Conan was previously trained as a drug sniffing dog for US Customs and Border Enforcement before enlisting in the Army and requesting assignment and training with US Special Forces.

Oct 29, 2019

Economic Trends

Amazing stupidity is required to believe that an improvement lasting only a few months is indicative of any kind of long term trend.

Oct 7, 2019

One Bag of Potatoes

I once picked up a tractor-trailer load of true Idaho potatoes in Boise and hauled them to Dallas, Texas. When I got to my destination we learned that the shipper had loaded 200 extra pounds (in one giant sack) and the customer refused to accept any extra.

So rather than throw them away I decided to keep them and take them home to North Carolina. Only problem was my dispatcher had me pick up a sealed trailer going to Los Angeles.

Now as I was not allowed to open a sealed trailer I had to put those lovely Idaho potatoes in the cab of my truck. Now if you have never carried a 200 pound sack of potatoes you just don't know what you are missing. Nor do you want to know.

To make matters worse that giant sack of potatoes had to go on my bunk as they blocked my view of my right mirror if I put them in the cab. And it would be 5 more weeks before I finally made it home.

Night after night I moved those potatoes from the bunk to the cab so that I would have a place to sleep. And some nights when I was really tired I slept on top of those true Idaho potatoes.

Made them all the better when I finally got to eat some of them

Oct 3, 2019

Not My Nut, You Won't!

I was on my way to the local auto parts store to pick up some 1156 bulbs to put in the turn signals of an old motorcycle I've been building when I noticed a skinny gray squirrel burying a pecan under one of the hundred year old oak trees in my front yard. As I'm retired and never in any hurry I decided just to watch.

Quickly he dug with his tiny front feet while holding the pecan-- no doubt from the pecan tree in my back yard-- in his mouth. Then he dropped the nut in the hole and pushed the dirt back over the top of it being sure to tamp it down with his tiny feet. Then, just for good measure he pushed two oak leaves over the top of it, one with each tiny paw.

It was then he looked up and saw me watching him. "I'm going to steal you nut." I said.

He quickly dug up his nut and ran away with it!

You reckon he understood what I said?