Jan 31, 2019

Making Little Ones Out Of Big Ones

A friend of mine-- I'll not mention any names-- once told the story of being sentenced to 2 years at the US Army Prison at Leavenworth, Kansas after repeatedly going AWOL and refusing to ship out to Vietnam. Now I might not have all the details exactly right but I think I'm close enough.

Seems he enlisted to go in the motor-pool but when it came time to go he had been reassigned to infantry with orders to be sent right into the thick of things, causing him to reassess his relationship with the Army.

He said the first day wasn't so bad-- they mixed concrete and poured what looked to him to be concrete parking bumpers. He thought, I can handle 2 years of this, no problem.

But the next day he was handed a sledge hammer and spent the entire day busting up the concrete parking bumpers someone else had made a couple of weeks before.

And every single day for 2 years, rain, snow, sleet, sun, hail, and wind they alternated between making them and breaking them.

Now I don't judge him for it. Forty plus years ago I might have reacted the same way, especially after I'd been promised something I wasn't getting. Despite what a lot of folks want you to think, eighteen year old boys really are still boys and they still tend to think like boys. It just goes to show, doubly so, that things aren't always as they seem.

Jan 30, 2019

Scared The Piss Out Of Him

Some years back when driving tractor-trailers from coast to coast my co driver pulled over to take a leak. He left the truck idling as I was asleep in the bunk and he knew shutting it down would wake me.

He walked around the truck to take a leak and never heard the Arizona State Trooper who stopped to check on him. "Is there something wrong with your truck?" a woman's voice asked him.

Startled, he turned around in mid stream and pissed all over her legs!

It was after she handcuffed him that she knocked on the side of the cab to inform me that I should follow her to town where he would be going before the magistrate judge on charges of littering and assaulting a law enforcement officer.

When we got to the county courthouse the Magistrate Judge ruled that peeing on the side of the road was littering and fined him for doing so. But he told the State Trooper that if she hadn't have startled the man he would have never turned around until after he zipped up his pants.The charge of assault was dropped.

We were just happy the judge was a man as obviously not all women understand male anatomy.

Jan 26, 2019

It is estimated the shutdown has already cost the US economy over $7 Billion. Trump should be hanged in front of a firing squad.

That one statement alone was banned from Facebook and got me 3 days in Facebook jail despite the fact that hangings-- not lynchings-- are only done by governments and a $7 Billion Dollar economic loss would be considered economic treason (a hanging offense) in most countries.

Jan 24, 2019

History Of Wackemall, Part 80: Voltaire

Fran├žois-Marie Arouet (1694 – 1778), best known by his nom de plume Voltaire, was a French Enlightenment writer, historian and philosopher famous for his wit, criticism of religion and advocacy of freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and separation of church and state.

Remembered as a versatile and prolific writer who produced works in almost every literary form, including plays, poems, novels, essays and historical and scientific works, he was an outspoken advocate of civil liberties. As a satirical polemicist, he frequently made use of his works to criticize intolerance, religious dogma and the French institutions of his time.

While most of his works are quite well known one of his lesser known works points to the popularity of Wackemall in 18th century France and the willingness of Voltaire to serve it even to the French bourgeoisie and aristocracy, both of which he considered ridiculous.

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies wackemall.' God granted it and I served it hot."

The researchers at Wackemall University will continue to dig up the lost History of Wackemall
while we here at Wackemall Media, Mining, Manufacturing, Farming & Transportation... Wackemall.com work hard to dish it out until someday when Wackemall becomes a household word and people are again willing to pay for it.  Until then, back to our day jobs.

Please continue reading History Of Wackemall, Part 81: Walt Whitman or not.

Jan 18, 2019

Letting Go

The Eulogy

When the old man died
they gathered 'round
to speak his eulogy,
see him off, say some words,
and let his soul go free.
Amidst the tears,
tales of glory years,
and secrets before not told
his grandson, just a little boy,
spoke these words so bold,

"Get out of here.
You've had your turn.
You're getting in my way.
I'm tired of being quiet.
I want to shout and play!
Since you moved in
my live has sucked,
my whole world has been doomed.
Get out of here.
You've had your turn.
And give me back my room!"

The preacher stood in silence.
His mother only cried.
His father never said a word,
but looked as if he'd died.
The guest, they all were silent.
The ushers silent too.
The organist couldn't play a note.
There was nothing they could do.

"Get out of here.
You've had your turn.
Get this show on the road.
Stick ol' Grandpa in the ground--
my supper's gettin' cold.
Hurry up,
let's wrap this up,
It's way past time to go!
Get out of here.
You've had your turn.
Stop talkin', let the old man burn."

The crowd was shocked,
not one could speak
as the little boy read the words,
and finally his father took the note
and came to understand.
For every word the child had read
to the horror of the room
was written in his Grandpa's hand
with these final words of gloom.

"I'm out of here
I've had my turn.
I did the best I could,
but I'll not say in Jr's way,
he needs room to make good.
I've taught him everything I know.
It's time he got his chance.
I'm out of here.
I've had my turn.
It's Jr's turn to dance."

Jan 17, 2019

Never Ending War

Grassroots rebellions never die-- they just smolder until some greedy moron throws oil on the fire.

Jan 13, 2019

Blowing Out Other's Candles

Blowing out other's candles won't make your candle brighter but it might make your candle the only light in the room. Do you wish to be a dim light in a dark room?

Jan 11, 2019

Ye Shall Know Them By Their Insanity

Just because you're crazy doesn't mean you are wrong. Being able to see the truth is enough to drive anyone crazy.

Jan 10, 2019

The Messiah Comes Today

People are waiting for a Messiah... He came, he went. He comes every day with many different faces. You shall know him by his words, not by his fruits, for his goal is not for himself but for those who come after him. And when he comes back again tomorrow they'll not recognize him then either. They never do.

Jan 7, 2019

Don't Hate The Cynic

Cynicism, as much as we may not like it, is a perfectly natural and normal human emotion. It protects us from emotions we simply can no longer deal with.

Jan 1, 2019

Truck Lane Restrictions?

First time I ever drove a tractor-trailer to California was 1978, I was 21 years old and had never heard of truck lane restrictions as none existed outside of California at that time.

I delivered in San Diego and had a second stop in Los Angeles that I hoped to deliver same day. I put my rig on I-5 and opened it up moving all the way to the left lane making excellent time.

About half way to LA I noticed a Camaro with flashing blue lights in the grill behind me. I turned on my right turn signal and after about 3 miles I finally managed to make a safe stop on the right shoulder of the Interstate just like everyone in North Carolina used to do.

The wind was blowing like crazy but that state trooper's hair was perfect. And boy was he mad! "What in the hell do you think you are doing?" he shouted.

"I'm going to LA," I answered in my best Southern draw.

"I mean what in the hell are you doing in the far left lane!" he shouted again.

"Well Officer," I explained, "In high school driver education they taught us that slower traffic drives on the right and faster traffic passes on the left, and I was damned sure the fasting moving thing out there."

He let me go but warned me to stay in the right lane.

First Or Worst Poem Of The New Year?

The Last Day

I stood for the day,
didn't bend, didn't sway--
just stared at the light of the moon
'til the sun, it went down
on the near side of town
and the night, it was over too soon...

Happy New Year!