Jul 31, 2018

What Then?

What if Earth really is the center of the Universe? And what if there is no place else we can go?

Jul 29, 2018

The World Needs Negative People

I'm positive if it weren't for negative people the world would be filled with happy, ignorant idiots. The balance must be maintained.

Jul 27, 2018

On Bunny Rabbits And Economics

Let's imagine you really could build a rabbit proof fence around a big field of lush greens that rabbits love to eat. And let's imagine that the fence also covered overhead and was capable of keeping out all predators that might cause harm to bunnies. Now imagine that you placed a thousand pairs of healthy buck and doe bunnies inside the enclosure. Throw in a spring filled with clean drinking water and some shelter and you've created Bunny Heaven.

And with rabbits being what they are you will soon witness a Bunny Population Explosion.

In the beginning the bunnies will behave just as you expect bunnies to behave, everyone happy to see everyone, rubbing noses, cuddling, romping through the greens together, waiting their turns at the drinking spring... as pretty a picture as any bunny lover ever dreamed.

What comes next is horrid.

Because of the population explosion the bunnies will start eating the greens faster than the greens can grow back. Once docile rabbits will start defending their turf from other rabbits. In the beginning the bunnies will form groups in which every rabbit in a group shows allegiance to the other rabbits in the group. These groups will consist mostly of family members so inbreeding and the resulting genetic failures will begin to take a toll.

Eventually all the greens will be gone and what was once sweet little bunnies will resort to eating weeds they never tried before. Many bunnies will die because many of these weeds are poisonous.

Mother Rabbits will resort to cannibalism of some of their babies to save babies from suffering and in order to make milk for the inbred babies they attempt to save. Daddy Rabbits will simply kill the babies and leave them to rot.

The rotting flesh of old and young alike will breed disease causing even more Bunnies to die, perhaps all the Rabbits will die...

This my friends, is unfettered Capitalism, aka Fascism, aka Anarchy in action. No rules, no checks and balances, the system destroys and consumes itself. All the Greens (money) is consumed and everyone starves.

And the saddest part is: a few predators could have saved the bunnies simply by keeping their numbers in check.

Learned men of letters will try to convince you that Economics is complicated, but in reality Economics is ruled by the same checks and balances, supply and demand, as a field full of Bunnies and Greens, with the difference being that in Economics we need Rules rather than Predators to provide the checks and balances.

We've no need to do away with Capitalism, we only need bring back the rules to save the Bunnies.

Definition Of Rebranding

The process of making up a new name for a product, service, or idea when it has been repeatedly proven that the product, service, or idea cannot be made to work, but one is already heavily invested in the product, service, or idea.

Two Eagles Talking

"Things just haven't been the same since the oil    

"What oil spill?"

"The Exxon Valdez back in '89."

"That was before my time, how are things different?"

"There's no good herring to eat."

"Eagles eat herring?"

"We used to, before they spilled 11 million gallons of crude into the water and never finished cleaning it up."

"What can we do about it?"

"I donno, Exxon still refuses to pay the final $92 million they owe even though we Eagles continue to keep up the boycott."

Photo via the Raptor Education Group.

Get the best of Two Eagles Talking, oily fish and all, right here at Wackemall.com You know, at least until the fish are all gone.

Jul 24, 2018

Dirty Opinions

Spouting opinion without facts is like running through mud holes naked-- you get wet all over but still come out dirty.

Jul 20, 2018


When my son was growing up I took him to spend the day with a couple of my friends who had sons the same age. One of my friends had a huge 4 wheel ATV that he used for hunting. My son and his son were experienced riders but the 3rd boy wasn't.

When the 3rd boy got on the ATV he kept stalling it out when trying to take off. Everyone was having a good time except for him. We kept telling him to give it more gas, not to worry, that he couldn't break the machine.

So taking us at our word he cranked the throttle wide open and dumped the clutch causing the ATV to wheel stand all the way across the yard and into the next door neighbor's brand new chain link fence that had been put up the day before.

100' of fence laid over flat on the ground and 3 very embarrassed dads standing there looking at it.

The boy was fine. We all made it clear it wasn't his fault, that we had been bad teachers. Then we split the repairs equally between the 3 of us.

Jul 17, 2018

Bungee Jumping Cantaloupes

 Don't believe me? Bungee jumping cantaloupes really are a thing. When grown on trellises, cantaloupes must be protected from falling to the ground by hanging in bags made of cloth, onion bags, panty hose, etc. The best part about growing your muskmelons this way is there is no guessing as to when they are perfectly ripe as ripe melons bungee when ready to eat.

 I spend some time this morning bagging cantaloupes. Unfortunately my photos were horrid so I searched the web and found better via The Red Dirt Garden.

Jul 16, 2018

The Legend Of Little Texas Pete

When I was a kid you literally had to beat those little bottles of Texas Pete Hot Sauce to get them to give up that hot, savory sauce. But like most families living here in the Piedmont of North Carolina, Texas Pete, made since 1929 by the TW Garner Food Company in nearby Winston-Salem, North Carolina, was the only brand of hot sauce to grace our Sunday table.

I remember beating and beating on the bottoms of those tiny Texas Pete bottles in order to get the sauce to flow. And then only getting a few drops.

According to urban legend at the time, sales of Texas Pete had fallen sharply and the Garner family was at their wits end trying to figure out what to do to increase sales. And while I don't if it is true, local urban legend has it that an expensive consultant was hired to tell them what they needed to do to increase sales.

Then one day the holes in the tops of the bottles got bigger and that special sauce poured right out. Just the way we always wanted it to do. The sauce was fine, they just needed bigger holes so folks would use more Texas Pete.

I can't attest to the truth of the urban legend but I do know the holes are bigger, Texas Pete flows free, and according to Wikipedia, "Texas Pete is the third best selling hot sauce in the United States as of 2004." Guess that makes it legendary even if the urban legend isn't true.

Jul 14, 2018

Time To Fix The System

They say the American political system is broken. Only a fool would disagree. They like to blame the problem on low voter turnout.

I tend to think that voting is how we got here. The people who didn't vote didn't put anyone in office. The people who did vote put the wrong people in office. How can you blame decisions made by voters on none voters? That would be like blaming your dog.

The willingness of voters to vote for candidates who do not meet the measure of what a candidate should be is the problem, Period, End of Story. Neither Clinton nor Trump met the measure of what was needed and yet they were the only choices the Partys gave us.

You can't blame that on those who stayed home.

Irresponsible? Hardly. But it is certainly a sign that the machine is broken.

And if you continue to operate any machine after it is broken you only do more damage to the machine.

Time to stop voting, shut down the machine and fix it.

Or you can wait until the machine is beyond repair.

Jul 13, 2018

Deadly Perceptions

We're not so different... But believing we are different can only lead us to harm one another.

Jul 12, 2018

Two Eagles Talking

"See that fish over there?"

"Which one?"

"The big brown one swimming across the river."

"Oh wow, if I were to catch that fish I wouldn't have to eat for a week."

"You can't have that fish."

"Why not?"

"It's illegal."

"It is? Why? How?"

"It's crossing the border illegally."

"What if I fly south of the border and catch it when it swims back across the border?"

"No law against that."

"Good, it's turning right now."

Photo via doc ellen of dreamingsongsphotos, Jordan Lake, North Carolina.

Get the best of Two Eagles Talking, fish, feathers and all, right here at Wackemall.com You know, at least until we get caught crossing the border.

Jul 10, 2018

Reason Asks

Hell On Earth

The Scriptures say the poor will always be among us.
So let them remain poor?
The Meek shall inherit the Earth
but whatever for?
For the Kingdom is Heaven--
the place we adore.
Why are the meek left here
to live like before?

Definition Of Economic Development

Tear everything down, sell off everything that has scrap value, take the money, and leave everything of no value for someone else to clean up.

Jul 8, 2018

On Smoking Pot

I don't miss smoking pot as much as I miss the sorry losers I smoked pot with. Great folk, all of them.

For me it was a social activity, a way to open up and be with other people in ways my normally inhibited and withdrawn personality never allowed me to do. Smoking pot didn't change who I was but it did change the way I interacted with other people.

For starters, you had to trust someone you smoked pot with. At least those of us with street smarts knew we'd better be able to trust the people we smoked pot with as not only were there concerns about getting busted but you were also your most vulnerable when stoned.

I never liked smoking pot alone. Doing so always made me paranoid. But as long as someone was around to share the experience it was great.

For that was the culture of pot smoking back in my day. Pot was cheap and plentiful then. Anyone who had pot would share their pot. It was the sharing that brought is together, created the bonds, and built relationships that lasted lifetimes.

So for those of you who I smoked pot with back in the day, remember I still love you all.

And that part about sorry losers? You know I'm just kidding.

Jul 6, 2018

When Possums Get Educated

It wasn't much of a surprise when I read in the local newspaper that my old Alma mater, James B Dudley Sr High School in Greensboro, North Carolina had enrolled a possum. After all, the fact that I held a diploma from there was pretty much proof that anyone who showed up on a regular basis could be expected to graduate. And I figured the possum would be spending most of his time in the dumpster out back of the lunch room so it wouldn't matter anyway.

But when the privately owned, esteemed Greensboro Day School-- known for its high academic standards and students from the families of the Irving Park elite-- announced they too had enrolled a possum, or as they put it, an opossum whose family resided in east Greensboro and not Irving Park, well talk about town quickly became that the new student was obviously a token possum meant to give Greensboro Day the appearance of diversity both in terms of species and economics.

After all, you know how people and possums in Greensboro are constantly pointing out the various divides.

As it happened, away from school both these academically gifted young possums were friends and lived in the same forest. One evening after school, after having done their homework, the two of them were scampering through the woods together, digging for grubs, eating worms, eating ticks, gallivanting around, hanging from their tails, and doing all the cool things possums enjoy doing.

Well everything except for that. You see, these possums were boy possums and they didn't go that way. At least not yet. Perhaps later on in college.

The two of them were running through the woods when all of a sudden they both stepped into a steel jawed trap chained securely to a nearby tree! After much screaming and struggling from the awful pain the possum from Greensboro Day shouted, "What do we do? How do we get out?"

Taking a slightly calmer approach and displaying the street smarts that students in public schools are more apt to learn the Dudley possum answered, "We learned about this in gym class."

"They teach trapping classes at Dudley?" the worried possum from Greensboro Day asked.

"No," the Dudley possum answered, "a white boy brought a trap to gym class and told us how it worked. Then he trapped the racoon that goes to school with us."

"What happened to him?" the Greensboro Day possum asked.

"They expelled the white boy," the Dudley possum replied.

"Not him," the Greensboro Day possum shouted. He was beginning to get anxious. "What happened to the racoon?"

"He chewed his leg off and got loose," the Dudley possum answered.

"Oh how horrible!" the Greensboro Day possum exclaimed. "Please tell me the white boy told you another way to get free from the trap."

"Nope," the Dudley possum answered, "ain't but one way to get free from a steel jaw trap and that's to chew your leg off."

"I can't do that," the Greensboro Day possum insisted. "Why that's just barbaric."

"Barbaric it may be," the Dudley possum commanded, "but it's chew your leg off or end up as gravy and your fur on somebody's hat."

And with that the Greensboro Day possum watched was the Dudley possum endured the long and painful process of chewing off his own leg before hobbling away saying, "I'll be back to check on you in a few days in case you change your mind."

"Goodbye," the Greensboro Day possum cried as the Dudley possum hobbled out of sight.

A few days later, feeling only slightly better, but somewhat medicated, the Dudley possum limped back into the woods where he found his friend, the Greensboro Day possum still gripped by the steel jawed trap. "You're still here?" the Dudley possum exclaimed. "Why not chew your leg off and get away before the trapper comes back?"

"Chew my leg off!" the Greensboro Day possum exclaimed. "I've already chewed three of them off and I still can't get out!"

And now you know why Greensboro Day School no longer provides scholarships to opossums and other marsupials.

The previous was my adaptation of an old joke whose author is unknown.

Jul 4, 2018

Share If You Dare

Share If You Miss Mustard In A Jar!

Don't you just hate when you squeeze a bottle of mustard and it pisses on your bun?


Jul 3, 2018

Time Goes On

Killing time is an insurmountable task. Waste time instead.