Jun 30, 2018

The Goat Ate The Letter

When I was young I went to school with a boy who thought his mother was a cow. Now I don't mean that in any derogatory way towards women, oh no. You see, little Anthony really did believe his mother was a cow. This is the tale of how we learned of Anthony's mental affliction.

Every morning on the school bus Anthony would tell us how he milked his mother twice a day before and after school. Most of us had never seen a cow so we assumed Anthony was making crude talk about a woman until the day he told us the bull had decided he wasn't happy about Anthony milking the cow and chased Anthony from the barn. It was then Anthony told us he had a new mother who was a goat.

In time the talk got back to the Teacher who decided it would be best if she had the Principal deal with the issue. In those days lots of homes didn't yet have telephones so the Principal gave Anthony a letter and told him to give the letter to his mother as it was well known that Anthony's father had died several years before.

After several days with no response from Anthony's mother the principal called Anthony to his office. "Anthony," the Principal asked, "Did you give that note to your mother like I told you to do."

"Yes Sir," Anthony replied.

"Did she read it?" the Principal asked.

"No Sir," Anthony answered.

"Why not?" the Principal asked.

"Because she ate it," Anthony answered. "Momma eats everything."

After school that day, instead of boarding the bus, Anthony was given a ride home by the Principal. When they arrived the Principal saw a cow and a bull in the field and a goat in the yard. "Momma!" Anthony shouted as he ran to the goat and hugged it, "We've got company. I can't remember the last time we had company, can you?"

The Principal searched the entire property and found no other humans there other than Anthony and himself. Then he noticed a mound in the flower garden that seemed rather suspect. "Anthony," he asked, "can you tell me what that mound is over there in the flower garden?"

"That's where I buried the nice lady that used to live here," Anthony answered.