Jan 31, 2018

Two Eagles Talking?

"Did you know every year their president gives the State of the Union Address to the people?"

"Why, does the Union move a lot?"

"No, the Union stays stuck in the same place all the time."

"Then why does he have to give them the address every year?"

"To make them think they actually got somewhere?"

Photo credit: Woodrow Dawson, via the Eagle Foundation.

Get the latest Two Eagles Talking right here at Wackemall Media, Mining, Manufacturing, Farming & Transportation... Wackemall.com.... Or you could wait on the government to actually get somewhere.

Time We Got Out Of The Way

 I've long believed ongoing attacks on younger generations were simply the failure of older generations to admit they could have done better by their youth.

It has long been said you become what you hate and fear the most. Sadly, for our generation, the Boomers, we have exceeded even that expectation.

It's time we got out of the way and let the young fix things. We had our chance. We've proved ourselves incapable of doing so.

Jan 30, 2018

Frozen Assets: The Cost Of A King's Ransom

Cold, Cold Heart

The Dairy Queen threw a Blizzard,
the King was frozen hard,
fries were strewn about the place
and all his burgers charred.
'Twas then she made her getaway
and the clown was heard to cuss,
"I'm tired of these frozen treats.
It's so RiDQulous!"

Wackemall Network News exclusive coverage of the Dairy Queen's return to the Fast Food Wars will continue right after this important commercial message:

Are you a contractor who is fed up with the high cost of construction barricades? Is getting barricades to the job site giving you headaches or causing you to lose thousands, perhaps millions of dollars due to lost productivity while waiting for construction barriers to get to the job site? Are you tired of paying union wages to employees to set up barricades before beginning the actual work and then leaving many of those same barricades behind when the job is done? If so, then BARRIDOG by Wackemall Products Inc. is the solution to your problems.

What? You think wars come cheap? We've got to pay for all that fast food somehow.

Jan 29, 2018

What They Don't Teach Us In History Class

History Books

Texts tell of comradery
and battles long since fought
for causes long forgotten,
and surely all for naught.
A million souls, their stories told
in blood spilled on the grounds
of battlefields all lost to time
and glory never found.

Jan 28, 2018

How To Test People For Stupidity

A sure sign of stupidity is not being willing to admit you don't know the answer.

No test required.

Big Brother Is Watching You

Eye In The Sky

They track us on Parkopedia.
From them, there's no escape.
No natter if we pull up poles
our money they will take.
They track us down like rabid dogs,
cement us in our places
and you stand there before us
with frowns upon your faces.

Will parking meters ever be free? Do parking meters really communicate their parking meter poems to Billy Jones? And what about Parkopedia, what are they really here for? Are they just watching lowly parking meters or could it be they are watching you too?

Stay tuned to Wackemall Network News when next time we hear a parking meter say, "Just shut up and put it in my slot."

Jan 27, 2018

Eat More People

Hard Times

We all knew just what to do
when the stranger came to town--
grind him hard, bones and meat
so none could e'er be found.
Tell the kids, he's rabbit stew
and venison shot wild.
Say a pray before they eat
and serve him with a smile.

Hard times have come, there's no way out,
just trust that you'll endure
by standing with those just like you--
diseased without a cure.
The prophecies, they all came true;
just not the way you'd planned.
So eat until there's no more left
and hope they'll understand...


Jan 26, 2018

Civilians Die In Rebel Attack

Death By Dance

The veggie burgers lined the streets
with fries, each standing guard
saying, "You're impostors, every one.
The King will make it hard."
Then Arby came holding to the mane
of a stolen horse named, Trigger.
"Trigger, show them how you dance!"
And he danced with murderous vigor.

Then the squadrons of seagulls came.

The latest news and live coverage of the Fast Food Wars will continue provided our embedded war corespondents are able to drag their fat asses off the battle fields.

Jan 25, 2018

City Installs Exploding Parking Meters!

Last Words, Last Rites

"Save me, save me!"
the parking meter cried.
But all the town's folk turned their heads
as another meter died.
For in the lovely town of Lewes
they hate the meters so.
"They hate us 'cause we're immigrants.
It's discrimination, no?"


Today's parking meter poem is based on the true story of the town of Lewes, Sussex where defenseless parking meters are dying needless deaths at the hands of criminals and police alike.

And you thought I was making this stuff up...

Jan 24, 2018

Two Eagles Talking

"Did you know the humans divided the entire world up into lots of different countries?"

"I heard about that but never understood why."

"Seems most of them don't know why either but all those countries have several things in common."

"Like what?"

"Well, for starters, none of them want people from the other countries coming to their countries."

"That's strange, we're always happy to see other birds. What else do those countries have in common?"

"The people in all those countries think their countries are better than other countries."

"You've flown to a lot of places, what do you think?"

"Fish taste the same."

Photo credit: Tim Van Horn.

Two Eagles Talking is made possible without government funding and without the support of Wackemall.com readers like you-- you cheap bastards.

Jan 23, 2018

Pistol, Shotgun, Rifle Cleaning Kit

Yesterday I told you about the Howitzer I wanted to trade. Well today I traded it for this cool pistol, shotgun and rifle cleaning kit and now I'm looking to trade brushes, swabs, t-handles, extension rods, case, the whole kit and caboodle including the hard case for something cool, unusual, unique, valuable, or something else I've no need for.

Don't bother trying to trade me a can filled with air as I've already got one of those and would like to trade it for something else just as wackemall.

The pistol, shotgun and rifle cleaning kit is slightly used, is missing one brush, and I doubt there is any oil left in the tube as there is no cap on the end. Besides, I don't think the oil actually came with the kit. The case isn't perfect but the hinges and latches work perfectly and it should last for many years.

Interested? E-mail me at RecycleBill@gmail.com

No, I'll not pay any shipping charges-- local pick-up only, in and around Greensboro, NC. Ironing board not included.

Jan 22, 2018

Howitzer For Trade?

No, there's not really a Howitzer in the box nor do
I have a Howitzer, but I think the box once contained ammunition for a Howitzer. It's hard to read but it says Howitzer on the box and the word "explosive" is on the top.

I bought the box at the Army-Navy Surplus Store on what was then West Lee Street in Greensboro, North Carolina over 30 years ago to store some valuables in. I packed it all away and only removed the valuables a few days ago.

Now I no longer need the box.

So I decided I'll barter it away for something cool, odd, valuable, or just something I don't have. If nobody wants it then I guess it will become firewood.

No, I'm not paying shipping and the table, yardstick, and neighbor's property are not included.

Sorry, too late, I already traded for this cool Pistol, Shotgun, Rifle Cleaning Kit

Jan 21, 2018

The Secret To Being


In wisdom there is much to know
and little to be found
to quiet the troubled minds these days,
that everywhere, abound.
For as it is, the more you learn,
the more the pain
around you, you'll soon see.
And so it is, to just stay dumb
is the wisest way to be...

Jan 20, 2018

Throwing Fast Food Under The Bus

 Undisclosed Location-- Embedded deep behind enemy lines risking heart attack, strokes and heart burn with every bite, Wackemall Network News special corespondent, Tuna F Taco brings us the latest reports.

Sparklers Lite The Drive-thru

South of the border, in a pizza hut,
Pacific Shrimp, they ride burritos.
Gordito, drunk on mountain dew,
gorging one half pound potatoes.
Fruistas, they dance down the street
as chalupas watch nearby
never knowing of the King
and his plans for them to die.

And the clown laughs," Guess it's just you and me now."

Wow, can you believe it? To date there have been over 9000 battles fought in the Fast Food War and you're still yet hear to read about them in the lame stream media. What are you complaining about? I'm the one who had to eat that stuff.

Jan 18, 2018

Why No Signs Saying Homeless Americans Welcome?

Why only signs saying "Refugees Welcome Here"?

Why no signs welcoming homeless Americans, homeless veterans, homeless teens, or help for pregnant teens?

Because no one is threatening to deport homeless Americans, homeless veterans, pregnant teens, or homeless teens. We simply ignore their plight instead of threatening to deport them.

Now why not share the truth just as fervently as you shared the lies?

Jan 16, 2018

The Secret Life Of The Parking Meter

A Parking Meter Reminisces

In Chicago, we're slaves to Abu Dhabi,
and in Nashville, Los Angeles too.
In Pittsburgh, we slave to grifters
and the nation is getting its due.
The Emirates stand upon our necks,
leave us choking on their brew
while the Goldmans auction us thru the banks
and we dream of the life we once knew.

A tip of the meter to an anonymous parking meter for pointing me to the secret information for this, the latest in my series, The Parking Meters Tell All, a Parking Meter Poetry exclusive report.What were you expecting, Page 3 Girls?

Jan 15, 2018

Make Up Your Mind

Failure to keep an open mind begins with making decisions before their time is due.

Jan 14, 2018

UFO Spotted In Greensboro

I saw a flying saucer when I was a kid. The year was about 1962 and it was hot, the middle of summer. The UFO was blue-green and wobbled as it flew above the trees. I saw it go down in the woods not far from my house so my brother and I ran to investigate.

UFOs and space exploration were constantly in the news back then as the US-Russian Space Race was in high gear and President Kennedy was talking about sending men to the Moon. I was certain we were about to make the greatest scientific discovery of all time. We found an inflatable kiddy pool where the flying saucer had gone down.

Things are not always what they seem.

As we carried it home a girl from several blocks away came running down the street shouting that a whirlwind had carried her pool away. She was hopeful that her daddy could patch the holes.

Jan 13, 2018

Some Relationships Were Never Meant To Be

I always had a thing for Tequila. I almost married her but she didn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish so I couldn't ask her.

Jan 12, 2018

Doing The Southside Shuffle

Drunks can really be fools. About 30 years ago when I was driving tow trucks for a living I got a call one night to unlock a car over in Southside. When I got there everyone was drunk. I mean, bad drunk. I started unlocking the car but before I got it unlocked some dude drove by and tossed a brick out of his window and busted out one of the windows of my customer's car. One of the guys in the group looked at the owner of the car and in a slurred voice said, "See, I told you tow truck drivers could unlock cars."

The guy thanked me and paid me, all the while not realizing someone had thrown a brick through his window.

I just took my money and figured this white boy should be getting the hell out of Southside.

Doing The McCafe Shuffle

Calling In Flavors

Ronald was busy greenwashing when the King, he walked in,
saying, "What are you going to do? Wendy's in Japan
and now she's number 2.
You promised me, if I played your game
they'd all soon get in line
but things ain't working out that way--
your job is on the line!"

So the two of them, they plotted,
plotted all night through,
planning every little step--
just what they plan to do.
I listened in the best I could,
hoping I could defuse it
but just as things got juicy,
someone turned up the music!

What will the red headed clown and BK do next? How about the McCafe Shuffle?

Jan 10, 2018

Bow To The Bobblehead

Ode To Jim Melvin

Captains of industry, leaders, they say; 
they take all our money and piss it away.
Spend it on projects to fatten their lot
while we do without the things that they got
by lying, stealing, promises not kept,
except that forever he keeps us in debt.

Bow to the Bobblehead for he knows all...

Photo of Greensboro's economic development god, Jim Melvin, aka The Bobblehead, via Randy Harris.

Jan 9, 2018

Take Andy's Advice

Maybe Y'all just don't get it. Whenever a company is denounced by conservatives, liberals flock there to shop. Whenever a company is denounced by liberals, conservatives flock there to shop. Hobby Lobby and Chic Filet made a killing because they were being boycotted by Liberals. Camping World hopes to make a fortune by pissing off conservatives.

It's called marketing.

It's just like in selling books: Every author hopes his book will get banned somewhere as every banned book becomes a best seller.

All the while the country is divided even farther and in spreading the memes you are helping these companies sell more stuff.

As Andy Griffith used to say, "Y'all act like you got some sense."

Giving New Meaning To Finger Licking

While the main stream media reports today that people in other countries despise American fast food even more than Americans despise American fast food, here at Wackemall Network News, foreign corespondent Butr Mi Biskit brings us the rest of the story.

Famous Blends

Mrs Winner strutted by
À la carte not on her mind.
Branded but a libertine,
her nights were spent sublime.
Seeking snacks, a combo too,
she lured in kings and clowns
with dinners, drinks, famous blends
and other bawdy founds.

Meanwhile, her "famous recipes" are secretly traded to the Colonel.

Will the fast food wars ever end? And why would we want them to end before they kill each other off?

Jan 8, 2018

Yes You Can Complain

Why can't you complain? Because you didn't vote? Bullshit! I didn't vote for the President of Russia but that doesn't mean I can't complain about him. People can and do have the right to complain about anything they wish. It's called freedom of speech and the United States Constitution guarantees us that right.

Jan 7, 2018

Two Eagles Talking

"Did you know humans have places they call institutions of higher learning?"

"Do they go there to learn how to fly?"

"Naw, that's flight school. Humans go to institutions of higher learning to learn more than they already know."

"But why do they need to do that? Don't they already know everything they need to know by the time they leave the nest?"

"Most humans never leave the nest."

"They don't?"

"Naw, that's what flight school is for."

"It is?"

"Yeah, so the few who jump will know how to land."

"Makes sense, humans can't fly, better know how to land if you're jumping out of the nest."

Stay tuned as eagles continue to prove there superior intelligence to humans right here at Two Eagles Talking,  a service of Wackemall.com

Photo via Roger Garber and Eastwood Eagle Watchers.

Jan 6, 2018

Parking Meter Block Party

Parking Meters Party Too

Parties on the city streets?
That's alright by me.
I get bored a little...
just don't forget the fee.
Put your money in my slot--
always feed your meter
and I'll be with you 'til the end
to make it all the sweeter.

Have I made mention that Parking Meter Poetry is channeled to me by parking meters?

Jan 5, 2018

Carve It On My Tombstone

Here lies Billy, still waiting... on who or what we'll never know.

On The Oregon Gas Crisis

My mother has never pumped her own gas. She was married for over 60 years and raised 4 sons. She doesn't even drive to the gas station, "Billy, go fill my gar up with gas."

"Yes Ma'am. I'll be back in a few minutes."

And she's only been to Oregon once about 30 years ago.

Jan 4, 2018

Ronald McDonald For President?

Washington, DC-- This just in, Wackemall Network News special reporter, Burger N Fries brings us this special report from the red headed clown as thousands come rushing across the border.

Ronald McTrump

Nacho Fries came marching in.
The clown, he only cried,
"The bell, it rings both day and night.
Their tacos, never fried.
How is it they are still alive?
Why don't we have that wall
I promised all that I would build
to keep us from the fall?"

Could it be the red headed clown in the White House and the clown in charge of the world's most powerful fast food army really are one in the same? Stay tuned to special coverage of the Fast Food Wars to find out more.

When It Isn't What It Seems

The End Of The Beginning

Far from the distant, the near, it brings
the host of plenty of awful things.
They come in waves, awash it all
to knock you down, make you fall.
No more the mighty, they turn to rush
except to run, abandon us.
"The end is near," the mighty say...

We finally have it our own way.

Jan 3, 2018

Two Eagles Talking

"You know humans build these places where they cut down all the trees and call them airports."

"Airports? What are these airports for?"

"They build them so that the giant birds they build will have a place to land and take off again."

"You mean their birds can't land and take off  anywhere they like?"

"Apparently not."

"Well what good are they if they can't fly anywhere they want to go?"

"I know, right. Might as well just walk."

"You said it."

"You know what else? They give these airports names like Central North Carolina International Airport so people will know where they are."

"So is that airport in Central, is it in North Carolina, or is it in International Falls?"

"Just be glad you and I don't have to go looking for it next time we need a place to land."

Get the best of Two Eagles Talking straight from the roost, right here at Wackemall.com. I mean, it sure beats walking from the airport.

Photo credit Harry Pherson Photography

Jan 2, 2018

Fast Food Terrorists

Inside The Castle

A drive thru bomb, a sonic blast,
rocked the King's white castle
sending fries a running out
like wild stampeding cattle.
But what the King, he didn't know
as he rushed to secure the bank--
the hatred he had felt just then
was deep within his ranks.

And from beneath the rubble, the King was never found...

Terrorism in the Fast Food Wars, traitors among their midst? What next, Mrs Winner working as a high priced call girl? Stay tuned to Wackemall Network News to find out.

Jan 1, 2018

A New Year, A New Parking Meter Poem

Old Anxiety

Look at how they look at me
with faces filled with scorn.
I may not be the shiniest,
I may be somewhat worn
but I am always on the job
when they come in each morn'.

We parking meters work longer hours than any other city employee.

Today's parking meter poem has been made possible by... Well, parking meters, of course.