Many years ago I attended a corporate convention in Ohio. It was a night of heavy drinking for everyone and when I walked into the men's room I discovered the vice president of the company leaning up against the wall. "Billy," he asked in a very drunken tone, "Is my dick hanging out?"
"No, Sir" I answered, "You're all zipped up. Everything is fine."
"Shit," he moaned, "that's what I was afraid of."