Oct 31, 2017

The Lesser Of Two Evils Is Still Evil

Watchers Of Lost Souls

The valiant efforts of the bravest men
are wasted on fools who live within,
who settle for the lesser sins,
while hoping right comes back again.

Fools with hopes in promises kept
by those who brought the tears they wept,
will never know the thrill of might
or living to claim their birthright.

Those on the fringes, they all know,
watch from a distance as you go
about your ways, your busy days,
lost in life's beguiling maze.

From on the edges they can see
what's blind to those who cry and plea
for a better life they'll never know
from men with hearts as black as coal.

And so it is the lost souls weep,
cry to God each night to sleep
as all is taken from their sight
for decisions they could not chose right.

Why You Don't Grasp At Straws

Grasping at straws only hastens the breaking of the camel's back.

Can't Figure Out Who The Bad Guys Really Are?

Reality works like that. Especially when there's a bad taste in your mouth. Stay tuned to Wackemall Network News for the latest updates in the Fast Food Wars. Now serving at the drive thru:

Show Of Force

Loaded Burgers lined the streets.
The fries marched side by side.
Mozzarella sticks and onion rings
proudly standing by.
Java chillers, loaded, cocked--
no getting past these killers.
And in the rear a Sonic Blast
packed with chicken fillers.

Another arrogant display of military power or just more people lining up for slaughter? You decide.

Oct 30, 2017

Damn Yankees

It was in my late teens that I spent a very brief period of time, just weeks, working in the town of Dolthan, Alabama on a construction job down there. Back then Dolthan really was just a small town.

One day while having a flat tire repaired at a busy service station on US 431, a  major route for northern tourists traveling to and from parts of the Florida Panhandle, I watched as the owner of the service station interacted with the many customers. most of them northerners headed south. "I love yankees," he would say as they drove away. "I just love yankees."

After a bit a man came in driving a new Chrysler with Alabama tags. The service station owner pumped his gas, took his money, and then as the man drove away he shouted, "Damned Yankee!" as if the driver could actually hear him.

"What's the difference between him and the rest of those yankees?" I asked.

"Those other yankees come down here to vacation, spend their money and go home," the man explained, "That damned Yankee came here to stay."

You Are Where You Park

When I meet a new parking meter I don't frown. Instead, I listen to them and in return these parking meters give me parking meter poetry so that I can share it with you here at Parking Meter Poetry. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Equal Opportunity Parking

Cha-ching, cha-ching, oh hear the ring
your coins put in my slot.
I've got friends at city hall
and they like me a lot.
But I'm for equal opportunity,
you see, they must pay too.
So put your coins there in my slot
'cause it's the right thing to do....

Oct 28, 2017

Do Modern Day Prophets Exist?

Prophets Live Forever

The prophet and the activist
both fight for causes right;
work all day, work all night,
never losing sight.
But the prophet knows the activist
will someday move along
while the activist dies and never hears
the ending of their song.

Oct 27, 2017

The 100 Verse War?

No End In Sight

The Burger King's fries, they tried and tried,
training long and hard for more.
They swam the grease and sought release
of those who'd burned before.
The wore the salts of battle fought
against a million just like them,
dreaming tenders, treats and shakes so sweet
when the war, it finally ends.

Meanwhile, an enemy learns to fly.

Will the evil ruler finally fall victim to the wars at the hands of a red headed clown or any of a thousand others dreaming of the day when they get their chance to pump cholesterol into the veins of the unsuspecting masses? Here's a tip: the end has already been written and lies hidden within a hundred other stories.

Oct 26, 2017

A Stopped Clock Wastes No Time

Time Wasted

Time is of the essence
when you haven't time to kill,
but when you've time to spare,
of time, you'll have your fill.
You'll sit and watch the seconds pass
as if each one were days,
then wonder where the time all went
while you were in your daze. 

Oct 25, 2017

The Young Will Pay The Ultimate Price

Somewhere behind enemy lines, Wackemall Network News journalist, Burger N Fries brings us this startling report of child prostitution inside the Fast Food Wars.

Mini Blueberry

Mini Blueberry, she was sweet.
They took her to the King.
He smiled, "No doubt, turn Mini out
and see if she can swing."

And another innocent child is swept away to the King's brothel.

And so it is, the ruler continues to abuse his own while others wage his wars... Is there no end in sight?

Oct 24, 2017

Conservative Chapel Hill Parking Meter Speaks Out

You Think It's Easy Working On A Pole?

The liberals here in Chapel Hill
are doing it again.
Taking from us working stiffs
to fuel their lives of sin.
Don't they know I have to eat--
like most, I just get by?
No tickets the first time you park--
were they all getting high?

Parking Meter Poetry is made possible by parking meters, their families and by Billy's Page 3 Girls, the hottest page 3 girls on the planet!

Oct 23, 2017

Two Eagles Talking

"You know they have a thing called media."

"Just what does this media do?"

"Media tells them what their politicians are doing?

"Aren't politicians smart enough to speak for themselves?"

"Well apparently people don't think so."

Get the aerial perspective, Two Eagles Talking right here at Wackemall.com. I mean, haven't you ever wondered why eagles don't have elections? Now you know.

Photo credit Harry Pherson Photography

And if you'd like to save 5 cents per gallon on gasoline while helping me same money on gasoline... Well Shell shall tell you how it is done.

Oct 22, 2017

On Sarcasm

Funny thing about writing sarcasm-- when one agrees with the author's point of view or the facts presented, one generally enjoys the sarcasm. But for most people, when the sarcasm is used as a vehicle to deliver news and information with which the audience disagrees, or does not wish to hear, that same audience will complain that the sarcasm and not the truth is the problem.

Obesity In America?

Or the attack of the fat cats?

Biggie Fries

The Burger King's fries
would do or die awaiting his command
for none were braver than his fries
when told to take a stand.
But when the Clown surrounded them
and Wendy lead the charge
we learned their fries were better warriors
and the King would not live large.

And so life goes on, most of us oblivious to the fast food wars taking place on grease laden streets around the world. Who will win? Only time will tell. Who will lose? All of us who labor to put food on our family tables.

This post was made possible with support from Veggie Head Stalker, leading us in the charge against GMF foods and other invasive species.

Oct 20, 2017

Definition of Debacle

Downtown stadium, urban renewal, economic development, win-win situation, performing arts center, privately owned parks, public-private partnership

Any situation involving government incentives

Something Old, Something New

 Two Wheeled Baby Doll

I've tightened the screws,
turned all the bolts
and replaced and gapped the plugs.
Aired both tires, checked the tag--
not expired--
and washed off all the bugs.
I've tuned all the jets,
checked the oil-- no regrets--
and tweaked her 'til all is quite snug
so tomorrow I'm off the ride a while
and thinking I'll give her a hug.

Oct 19, 2017

No, You Don't Want To Argue

Don't you just love people who toss hand grenades into rooms full of innocent people but don't want to argue with anyone?

You know, figuratively speaking.

As far as I'm concerned only God is allowed to get away with that and you're no god.

Oct 18, 2017

An Unmatched Hardwood Finish

Bored Boards

Ingrained we sit
as we've always done;
line for line but always one,
we note the years with every stripe,
no complaints, no quips, no gripes.

Why We Still Ride

 650 Thump

The thump, I think it pipes so well
through rusted chrome so few could tell,
an antique now, it wins the race
slow as ever, it sets the pace.
And though it may not be brand new
it does just what it's meant to do--
satisfy my need to feel the roar
as all my troubles I ignore
to take me where I want to be
while others dream of living free.

Oct 17, 2017

Park 'N Meet Her?

Changing Metered Times

You say you want to replace us--
break us down, cut off our heads.
You say you just don't need us
and fill our hearts with dread.
It's happening in Chicago,
Oakland and Philly too
but for us there's no replacement
with which you can made do.

Tonight's parking meter poem has been made possible with private donations from independent and municipal parking meters everywhere, in the hopes that you will help save a parking meter near you.

Who would have ever thought that my first parking meter poem would lead to this? Okay, so I obsess a little...

Oct 16, 2017

Who Is The Man Behind The Curtain?

Fast Food Puppeteer

Yum! waits in the shadows--
the king nobody sees--
taking shots at the red headed clown,
to bring him to his knees.
Hiding out on Wingstreet
in a hut near KFC
plotting with the Colonel
and border franchisees.

And Kosher Delights hide from the Wiki.

And so it is, the battles rage on, as millions die and billions more are served agony. And only one mysterious blogging poet turned citizen journalist dares to tell the horrible story of the Fast Food War.

Oct 14, 2017

Vegan Missiles

My mother threw things at my Daddy for 20 plus years-- never managed to hit him. Daddy would always laugh and say, "Throw something with eyes on it." Momma would be disgusted.

One day while Momma was working in the kitchen, Daddy made a smart remark from the other side of the living room. In anger, Momma picked up a potato and beaned him right between the eyes. They were both so astonished she had actually hit him that neither said a word. Them Momma busted out laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" Daddy asked.

"The potato has eyes on it," Momma laughed.

The whole family busted out laughing.

Oct 13, 2017

I Call It As I See It

Parents who won't control their own children have no business complaining about other parents not controlling their children; constituents who won't call out their own leaders have no business complaining about those on the other side of the isle doing the same.

Picking and choosing issues only lowers the bar.

I Fear It May Be Contagious

As I penned in my first book, "No amount of technology can overcome stupidity." But I now realize, no amount of education can overcome stupidity.


Because The Sun Will Shine Again

Rainy Day Warriors

Riding in the rain
is never any fun
but sometimes it's just what you do,
a thing that must be done
to get to were you're going,
to lead to brighter days
when the sun comes out to dry the roads
and melt away the haze.

Ride on Brothers!

Oct 11, 2017

Two Eagles Talking

"Ever hear of a giant bird called the Phoenix?" 

"The mighty Phoenix cannot soar until after it crashes and burns-- the smart ones won't stay in the impact zone."

"Good thing we nest high enough to see it coming."

"You can say that again."

Get the best of Two Eagles Talking straight from the nest, right here at Wackemall.com. I mean, it sure beats pulling out your feathers.

Photo credit Harry Pherson Photography

Little Balls Going 'Round And 'Round

Then Why Am I Still Waiting

Working on Updates
100% Complete
Please Do Not Turn Off Your Computer

Oct 9, 2017

History Of Wackemall, Part 73: Old King Cole

We all remember the nursery rhyme, Old King Cole:
"Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl..."

But have you ever pondered just what it was that the old king might have put in his pipe and bowl?

Various researchers generally agree the bowl refers to a drinking vessel as glass, cup, or mug don't rhyme with Cole and soul. Most researchers agree that most likely there was some sort of alcoholic beverage in the king's bowl. And while most researchers have generally assumed King Cole's pipe to be filled with tobacco or perhaps hashish, researchers from Wackemall University point to evidence to the contrary.

For starters, Old King Cole is believed to have its origins in the legendary Welsh king Coel Hen sometime in the 4th century AD. But as everyone knows, tobacco wasn't known in England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland, or anywhere in Europe until some time after 1492 when Columbus sailed to America.  And as has been previously shown, it was Sir Walter Raleigh who, sailing on a royal charter from the Queen of England in 1584, later brought tobacco back to England while searching for wackemall.As for hashish? Well here's what Wikipedia has to say:

"Hashish has been consumed for many centuries. However, there is no clear evidence to date it back exactly.,[6] Around 900 AD hashish use spread through Arabia [7] while it was introduced to Europe during the 18th century"

Without a doubt, there was neither tobacco nor hash in Old King Cole's pipe.

So what was King Coel Hen, aka, Old King Cole smoking? Researchers from Wackemall University have recently uncovered artifacts near the grave of King Coel Hen in Coylton in Ayrshire, that contain residues of burned wackemall of Greek origin as was known to be used by people like Aristotle some 700 years earlier.

Was Old King Cole smoking wackemall? The benefits of wackemall were then known around the world despite its rarity. If he could get it then perhaps we should be asking, why wouldn't a Welsh king smoke, eat, drink, and consume wackemall in any way that was known at the time? After all, you do.

Will we ever know the entire History of Wackemall? Did NASA really send men to the Moon and back? You decide.

Please continue reading History Of Wackemall, Part 74: St. Nicholas of Myra

Oct 8, 2017

A Parking Meter Falls In Love

Yeah, Guy, parking meters do talk to me. They tell me parking meter poems and I write them down. Why just yesterday a parking meter whispered into my ear:

You're The One For Me

Here I sit waiting atop of my pole.
You think I've no feelings, think I've no soul.
Please don't ignore me, don't turn, walk away
'cause it's only for you I'm waiting today.

How could I not listen to such an impassioned plea for love? Why not hug a lonely parking meter today?

Oct 7, 2017

Sometimes You Just Have To Let Go

Falling In Reverse

From high upon the mountaintop, I heard an echo there.
And so I climbed up just to see what it was in the air.
A fire burned, the waters flowed, the sun, it shined on all,
but the echo, it eluded me until I took the fall.

Oct 6, 2017

Until That Glorious Day

Biker Down

The sun is shining bright today
and I can't ride and I can't play
But I can wrench and I can mend
'till all is well and I ride again.

Then I'll twist the throttle 'till it all goes away!

Oct 5, 2017

Not Natural Beasts


Early morn' I hear their howls.
Late each night I hear their growls.
Their bellies full, they still want more,
the wolves of greed wait by our doors.

And whisper words of love...

Oct 3, 2017

Fast Food Folk Songs?

The King Lays Down The Law

Twenty-five thousand Big Macs went down
before Burguesa came to town
with jalapeƱos loaded tall
to take the Whopper down.
The Burger King, he only laughed,
said, "I've seen your kind before.
Now get back to the border
or you'll not live past four."

And so it is, the Fast Food Wars continue, another fighter down before his time and the Legend of 25,000 Burgers still fresh on our stale buns brains. Could it get any worse? The writing, not the war.

Oct 2, 2017

Definition Of Politics

1. It's all just mystery theater. Only unlike the mystery theaters we usually think of, in politics the audience becomes the victims.

2.  Maintaining double standards while seeking to maintain the status quo.

Definition Of Conservative Vs Liberal

Liberals are only liberals until they must reach into their own wallets.

Conservatives are only conservatives until they can get liberals and other conservatives to pay for what conservatives want.

How Else Were They Going To Control You?

Remember when you were a child and your sibling or another child attacked you unprovoked? And you defended yourself? Then the adults got involved, broke up the fight? Remember that?

Or some bully was picking on a smaller child at school and you took up for him or her.

Maybe they punished you for fighting?

Almost certainly you were forced to apologize to the aggressor.

To this day you don't understand why you had to apologize when you were only defending yourself or someone else. You had to apologize for doing the right thing.

And people wonder why folks will only stand and watch when others are being harmed in public when in-fact standing and watching is what we've been trained to do since childhood. Nice children don't get into fights, remember?

You can't fight what you don't understand. Without meaning to, well intentioned authority figures pass control from generation to generation always holding down freedom until ultimately misguided rebellion is inevitable. And then, once the revolution has ended and a new generation has assumed control they make up new rules just like the old rules.

"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss..."

Oct 1, 2017

Two Eagles Talking

"Did you know that humans have something they call the Internet?"

"I've heard of it. The Internet is supposed to allow mass communications over vast distances, a network of networks that consists of private, public, academic, business, and government networks of local to global scope, linked by a broad array of electronic, wireless, and optical networking technologies. The Internet carries an unlimited range of information resources and services, such as the inter-linked hypertext documents and applications of the World Wide Web, electronic mail, telephony, and file sharing."

"Wow, you've been reading Wikipedia, right?"

"Maybe once or twice. So how's the Internet working out for humans?"

"Well, you know that unlimited range of information resources and services?

"Yep, it's pretty amazing."

"Humans have yet to discover it."

"So what do humans do with the Internet?"

"Social networking."

"And they need the Internet to do that?"

This edition of Two Eagles Talking, an exclusive of Wackemall.com, was made possible by Al Gore-- you know, the guy who claimed he invented the Internet.

Photo credit: Tim Van Horn.