Showing posts from January, 2017

Two Eagles Talking

"Seriously, humans pay hard earned money just to fly from one place to another? How could anyone be so dumb?"

Photo credit: Eagle Totem

Fast Food Wars Go Nuclear?

Tampa Bay, Florida-- This just in: Reporters embedded with troops fighting in the Fast Food War are reporting from Florida that Burger King is furious and is pulling out all the stops in his homophobic efforts to dominate restaurants everywhere.

Hooters Boys

"It cannot be, it cannot be!"
BK was heard to shout!
"This must be the end of them.
We must stop it, there's no doubt.
Call up Wendy, get the Clown,
tell Subway, launch submarines!
Hooters is hiring men--
and Hoots must burn in dreams."

Stay tuned to WNN, bringing you the latest up to date coverage of the Fast Food Wars until at last the warm glow of radiation fills the air and people everywhere are French fries.


From Wikipedia:

"The concept of avant-garde refers primarily to artists, writers, composers and thinkers whose work is opposed to mainstream cultural values and often has a trenchant social or political edge. Many writers, critics and theorists made assertions about vanguard culture during the formative years of modernism, although the initial definitive statement on the avant-garde was the essay Avant-Garde and Kitsch by New York art critic Clement Greenberg, published in Partisan Review in 1939.[10] As the essay’s title suggests, Greenberg argued that vanguard culture has historically been opposed to "high" or "mainstream" culture, and that it has also rejected the artificially synthesized mass culture that has been produced by industrialization. Each of these media is a direct product of Capitalism—they are all now substantial industries—and as such they are driven by the same profit-fixated motives of other sectors of manufacturing, not the idea…

Under The Rainbow

According to legend, a pot of gold is to be found at the end of the rainbow. Everything under the rainbow is the same old crap.

Bowing Bards

I was once asked, "Your bow is not broken but you've run out of arrows. How can you fake being a bard?"

Bows are for tying,
Arrows point the way,
Bards, we write poems
and fake is passe.

Soggy Sandwiches

Paris, France-- Researchers for Wackemall Network News have discovered that according to entries in Wikipedia, the Fast Food War has been going on for almost 100 years since beginning in France in 1919:

"An unsourced article in The Economist states that in October 1920 a law prevented bakers from working before 4 a.m., making it impossible to make the traditional, round loaf in time for customers' breakfasts. The slender baguette, the article claims, solved the problem, because it could be prepared and baked much more rapidly,[8] though France had already had long thin breads for over a century at that point.

The law in question appears to be one from March 1919, though some say it took effect in October 1920:
It is forbidden to employ workers at bread and pastry making between ten in the evening and four in the morning.[9]The rest of the account remains to be verified, but the use of the word for a long thin bread does appear to be a twentieth century innovation."

Also from…

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 20

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle

Again, like the previous jump through time we crashed through everything you could possibly imagine, oceans, skyscrapers, planets, suns, stars, and even more things I'd never before imagined and can't begin to describe. Then I found we were again on the road just outside of Goodbuyville and Melissa and the baby were nowhere to be found.

I road all around thinking they'd fallen off, hoping I might find them, but the two of them were nowhere to be found. Finally, I turned back to the General Store hoping somehow they might be there.

When I got to town, everything, including the General Store, was in shambles, in complete disrepair as if no one had lived there in 100 years or more. The old gas pump was gone, the porches fallen, and the roof caved in. I placed Nothin' Special on her side stand and just stared in disbelief. "Had this what Goodbuyville had actually looked like the first time I saw it?" I said to m…

Things I Found On The Web Today: Part 13

A Best Sewing Machine Guide
who guided readers directly past the competition
and straight to the cash register.

A Dreamaker,
sailing holidays in the Ionian Islands of Grease.
Oops, did I say, grease?

for those of you who might be in the mood
to post an entry.

And the Wackemall Random Link Generator... in Russian.

So unable to read my own website, I decided to nap.

Please continue reading Things I Found On The Web Today: Part 14

Two Eagles Talking

Said one eagle to the other, "If humans are so smart, why must they elect other people to tell them what to do?

Photo credit: Eagle Totem

Organizational Skills

I used to work very hard only to find myself disorganized, but now disorganization hardly requires any work at all.

Which Word Is It?


A single word that makes me smile,
a word that makes me mad;
a word that brings me tears of joy
or rage so strong and sad.
A word that insults all I am,
a word that lifts me up--
could it be that is the word
of which I wrote so much?

Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 12

A Windshield Guru
who will help clear your view of the road
as you continue your drive to Nirvana.
Or to Hell and back.

Bear Mascot Costumes
that bear little resemblance to bears,
but are durable and plush against bare bodies.

Too tired bicycles
that cannot stand alone
and boiled eggs hard to beat.

Random teleportation
That takes you everywhere
by going nowhere.

Petite Girls Tiny
who looked much too young to me
to be doing as they were doing.

Indiana Jones
shooting the sultan dressed in black,
completely unscripted.

Who knew?

Please continue Things I Found On The Web Today: Part 13

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 19

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle

I felt a bullet graze the left side of my head, then glass was breaking all around me! Then for only a few seconds nothing! Not even blackness. Then out of a burst of light came faces, mountains, cars, cats, machines, dogs, trees, buildings, rivers, airplanes, planets, stars, cattle, goats-- you name it-- everything, tanks, trucks, motorcycles, bridges, and things I had never before seen plummeting straight at me only do disappear as soon as we collided somewhere in time, at speeds so fast I couldn't begin to focus on the peripheral.

Then as suddenly as it began I found myself just about a mile outside of Goodbuyville, headed towards town. "Got any words of advice?" I questioned Nothin' Special almost expecting her to reply.

All I heard was the low rumble of her twin pipes never missing a beat as if none of this had ever happened. And maybe it never did. To this day I still question the entire 2 years I traveled.


Somewhere I'd Rather Be

Throttle Fingers

Destinations seem so far,
sometimes too far away.
I ride the valleys, count the stars
to make it through the day.
On mountain roads, I long to ride
far from the valleys low
with destinations, not of mind
except somewhere to go


A Cure For The Munchies?

Spaghetti Sandwiches

Day old spaghetti and day old sauce
served on your favorite bread.
Don’t forget the mustard
and don’t eat this in bed.
(Too messy!)

Serve it hot or serve it cold;
it really is a treat.
Day old spaghetti sandwiches
really can’t be beat.

Yum, yum...

Borders: Y'all Just Don't Get It

International borders and immigration laws are designed to keep people in while appearing to keep people out. No government can control any population that is free to leave any time they wish to leave. It's called voting with your feet and it is the last thing your government wants to enable you to do.

And so governments all conspire with one another to make it appear as if people are to be kept out when in fact the goal is to keep people in-- as slaves to international corporations.

But corporations are free to take their money and cross any border they wish.

Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 11

Large condoms are designed to fit average sized men.
Wouldn't want to risk bruising the bottom line by bruising the male ego, would we?

There are no less than 30 Million dead people on Facebook.

Your kids will be a different species.
Or not.

Miniature mouse tree doll houses are all the rage
for lovers of the Jill Barklem Brambly Hedge books.

Portable beach huts require a very big truck and trailer to be moved.
Guess they're not so portable.

Please continue Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 12

All Is Not As It Seems

Jesuit Trilobites

The Trilobites returned to swim
on the ghost of nirvana gone
while dragons fly in Kircher's brain
singing Jesuit songs.
The skyline laid in front of them
as the bolts light up the sky
and we all knew the albino's view
was the stickman had to die.

The Recipe For A Modern Day Homegrown Terrorist?

Molotov Cocktails

Serving Molotov cocktails, she walks behind the bar
dreaming of her yesteryears, of dreaming she'd go far.
"Honey, bring another 'round, those drinks sure pack a bang.
Give one to my neighbor there," as in her head she sang,
"They want a show, I'll give them one, a show they'll not forget:
a show for them that never ends and fills them with regrets
for every one they left behind and every sordid tryst
and every child they ever screwed but never even kissed."

Written August 6, 2013

On Good Parenting?

I know it sounds crazy but sometimes the best we can do is to lead by being an example-- a bad example. And hope they figure it out.

Got To Start Somewhere

Palindrome Travels

A palindrome walked quietly, alone
to take his place in line
only to find, after all this time
where he started was in line.

Trucks From My Past: Part 2

Continued from Trucks From My Past.

While not the oldest, the first truck I ever drove was a 1968 C Series Ford cab over with the tiniest sleeper berth I've ever seen on any truck mounted on the back of the cab. According to Wikipedia:

"... the C-Series cab was designed by Ford, tooled at its own expense and built by the Budd Company to Ford Motor Company specifications. Other truck manufacturers had to obtain Ford approval before purchasing it. The exception was Mack, which bought most of the major cab stampings from Budd and assembled them itself on a floor pan of its own design. In Canada, the Ford "C" had an identical twin - the Mercury "M" Series offered from 1957 to 1972. At least four truck makers used the Ford C-Series tilt cab. Best known was the look-alike Mack model "N", which was produced between 1958 and 1962. The Four-Wheel-Drive Auto Company used some Ford "C" cabs which bore the FWD emblems, and Yankee-Walter u…

Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 10

Ockham’s razor implies
we should prefer the simplest theory.
But it doesn't cut.

Sisyphus, was condemned by the gods
to roll up a stone up a hill for eternity
but obviously, he died.

A bird of prey
with an exquisite body
and a 1600 cc, 6 cylinder engine!

People living in houses
made from boxes
and costing less than $100,000...

Being that scientists have discovered after 10 years
that building an elevator to space is impossible,
they've decided to build an elevator to the moon.

You do the math, Elsie. I'll just stand by and watch it take off.

Please continue reading Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 11

I Guess We'll Never Know

Absent Life

Beyond the clouds and mountain tops
Companions wait for me
reaching out for what they can
to play a melody
cross a bridge to someplace else
and not live absentee...

Some Men Buy Hookers, Some Men Pay A Shrink

PHD Hookers

"Why can't I write something funny?" I asked,
"Something light hearted and gay."
"No," she said, "write your feelings,"
looking at me with dismay.

"You're paying me by the hour," she said,
"to help you when you're feeling down."
"But writing my feelings is boring," I screamed,
"I'd rather be fooling around!"

"Then why not just go and do it?" she asked,
"Just do as you wish, as you might."
"I'm paying you by the hour," I said,
"to cure me, not get my delights."

Trucks From My Past: Part 1

Before I became a starving writer I spent the better part of 28 years as a truck driver, driving many different kinds of trucks in many different kinds of operations all over the nation. While the photographs are not those of the trucks I drove they are photos of trucks very muck like the trucks I drove.

I'm not writing this series in any particular order, this is far from the first truck I drove and far from the last, though in my first decade.

One was a White Road Boss short conventional much like the one in the linked picture. It wasn't my favorite but it was probably the easiest to drive of all the rigs I drove. Road Boss trucks were manufactured by White Motor Company from some time in the mid 1960s until the company closed in the late 1980s in short conventional, long conventional and cab over designs.

It also didn't have much in the way of power. The one I drove was powered by a naturally aspirated
220 HP Cummings Diesel coupled to a Fuller-Roadranger 910 Ten s…

Free Parking After 6 PM, Weekends And Holidays

My phone has been ringing off the hook today as parking meters from around the world rush to submit their parking meter poems leaving me with but one question-- how do they dial?

Off With Their Heads

"Off with their heads!
Off with their heads!"
I hear the people cry
but I'm not going anywhere
so don't you even try.

Okay, so nobody paid to be a sponsor, big deal.

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 18

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle

I don't know what time it was but I'm guessing it was sometime after midnight when the alarm in the GPS unit started sounding. I jumped from my bunk, saw that everyone, even the guards, were asleep, and put the GPS unit in my ear just as Sergey had instructed me to do. The alarm ceased immediately.

I stepped towards my cell door and it unlocked just as the GPS unit instructed me to turn right. A few minutes later I had made my way through the entire complex of sleeping police officers and right to the room where Nothin' Special sat waiting good as new. "Wow," I said, "They even cleaned her up."

"Polished the chrome and everything," a voice behind me said. Startled I turned to find Sergey standing there. "To them she's not only something to study but a valuable museum piece," he smiled.

"She'll probably never be that clean again."

"Not if you ride her," h…

Fast Food Networking?

New York, NY-- This just in! Wackemall Network News is reporting that the Fast Food War has escalated to the point that it is now believed to be fought by terrorist cells located all over the nation and the world. In as many as 112 countries:

Homegrown Cells

The Subway goes where no one goes--
over 3544 thousand places,
always without the king's consent
and other fancy graces.
On railroad tracks and in submarines
they smuggle in the chips
until the Colonel makes the call
and the Kingdom finally flips.

When will it happen? I cannot say. But sooner or later the Burger King will fall, leaving behind the spoils to be fought over by the rest. Sometimes, a dictatorship, even with all its excesses, is kinder than the anarchy that brings about its fall.

Like We Couldn't See It Coming

November Drive
You say you want the same,
what's best for everyone
and you only want to lead the way
while we follow along... blindly....
never knowing where you're taking us
but we've been down this road before
and the journey wasn't pleasant
nor the ending sweet.
So if this is the way you plan to drive
we don't need you on our streets.

First posted, August 14, 2013

You May Have Won The Battle...

Death To The Oppressors

When the warrior hangs his head down low and puts his shield away, lays his sword upon the ground and steps back from the fray to recognize the battle lost was never his to win; he leaves a better man to rise and beat them back again.

Written June 5, 2013

Jessica Rabbit Nude-- Page Three Girl

This week’s Page Three Girl is none other than the sexiest cartoon alive, Jessica Rabbit, wife of Roger Rabbit. In the frame shown here, Jessica is doing some grass after having been in the bush. I have to say she looks amazingly healthy for a cartoon. Look at those legs, will you? And that tail...

This sure ain't no Cadbury bunny, this bunny is one hot chic! Having been a one hit wonder in the adult film industry, Jessica now spends her time keeping Roger hopping and posing in nothing but tiny furs for any photographer who happens to catch her hopping around. I’ve no doubt that Jessica will be fondly remembered by millions of men all over the world for the sexy roll she played as the temptress neither man nor rabbit could ever forget. But does anyone remember who framed Roger Rabbit?

Take That

Sometimes you can resist by not doing anything at all. After all, there is no strategy for overcoming no resistance. Why attempt to stop a train wreck when you can easily get out of its way?

Suicide Attempt

He stands on the edge,
his heart, racing, thumping
then looks overhead to see a small sign,
"Please remove shoes before jumping."

Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 9

Koalas to the Max
is populated beyond belief
but there are no koalas there.

You can make gift bags from envelopes
just don't plan on buying
bags full of groceries.

Global One TV
has but one channel
but isn't TV.

Knowing the psychology of color
might brighten your room
but it won't psych you out.

The underground library,
like the underground railroad

You can't catch a train
to Yaominami Station
if you're in China Town.

The Way It Was Never Meant To Be

Deaf, Dumb And Blind

No one thought to utter well
the thoughts that crossed their minds
leaving only what was heard
by the deaf to lead the blind.
And so it was we stumbled on
not knowing where we'd been,
not knowing we had never left
when we returned again.

Who You Calling Crazy Now?

I've talked about establishing an alternative, parallel economic system for over a decade, as a means of insulating the working class from the manipulation of our current economy. Everyone thought me crazy.

Definition of Protester


plural noun: protesters:

People who show how little they know about something by painting it on a sign and chanting it over and over...

This page of the Wackemall Dictionary was made possible by Dr John Hayes and with the generous support of readers like .... Who am I kidding, no one pays me to post this crap online.

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 17

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle

Sergey came back a few days later and we repeated the process. I placed both palms on the table and something appeared under each hand. "What are these gizmos?" I asked.

"Under your right hand," Sergey answered, "is a GPS ear piece. It will give you directions beginning from your jail cell, to where your motorcycle is kept, and beyond until you make the time jump back to 1992. The other is an electronic key that will open any door you approach. Stay on the path the GPS unit tells you to go and we'll get you out of here."

"So why not just take the motorcycle back to your time and leave me here?" I asked.

We have no choice," Sergey explained. "The time machines were designed to operate for one person only. We can't take it through time for fear that it might kill anyone who tries."

"But you didn't design it for me," I puzzled, "How is it that I can ride i…

He Didn't Leave Them Behind...

Down The Road
Fifty times he showed the way.
Fifty times he heard them say,
"We'll not follow, we'll not go
down any road we do not know."
So now they're trapped, the bridge is gone
no one to lead them farther on...

I've long heard it said that only fools rush in but as is too often the case, only fools stay trapped when offered a way out.And life has taught me, most people are in-fact fools.

Highway To Hell

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. And most who arrive in Hell get there atop their high horses. Come off those high horses and walk with us common folk.

Thanks For The Beating

The Democrats simply represent a kinder, gentler form of Fascism, but it is Fascism just the same. WE liberals have become like abused children trapped between 2 horribly abusive parents. We know either of them will beat us so we move towards the one who we think will hit softer.

The Ford Dump Truck

I was proud of my old Ford F600 crew cab dump truck. There wasn't anything fancy about it, it wasn't as powerful or fast as more modern diesel trucks but I could fix anything that might go wrong with it and rarely was there a problem.

The old 332 cubic inch V8 was a decades old proven performer of which millions had been built and parts were plentiful and reasonably inexpensive.

I never hauled anyone in the back seat, preferring instead to preserve it as a place to lie down and sleep on longer trips when I was doing package delivery or hauling equipment from one state to another. It also served as a quiet place where I could get away from all the noise on my days at home.

When I wasn't using my old truck I parked it on the street beside my yard. It was quiet and nobody bothered it there no matter if it sat for a day or a month while I perused other efforts to make a living. After all, my dump truck was paid for so there was no need to run the wheels off in an effort to keep …

Words For Those Who Lead Us

Shiny Things

Twisted words cannot erase
the pain you leave behind,
wipe the memories of the past,
bring vision to the blind.
The lies you tell won't cover all
the damage you'll soon do
for little more than shiny things
for which you're never due.

Written June 22, 2013

Who Will Billy Eat Next?

Dear Angus, Where Are You Tonight?

A Thickburger came to visit.
A Fish Supreme came too.
They turned me on to Angus,
there’s nothing she’d not do.

“Too thick, too thick!” the Whoppers say,
“Call Arby, we’re coming to kick beef today.”

Curly Fry, she called her trashy,
said, “Angus, she’s a cow.”
But the wondrous things dear Angus did--
can’t talk about that now.

And Hardee played his guitar,
Ode To An Apple Pie,
while Thickburger and Fish Supreme
set ‘round getting high.

“Too thick, too thick!” the Whoppers say,
“Call Arby, we’re coming to kick beef today.”

And inside they’re selling tickets,
Busch Country, Water Gardens, USA.
Get your special offers here,
and “How can I help you today?”

But that was oh so long ago,
now Angus is a dream,
a memory, I never had,
a reason for this theme.

“Too thick, too thick!” the Whoppers say,
“Call Arby, we’re coming to kick beef today.”

And if you see my Angus,
tell her, please come back home,
I’m hangin’ out with Hardee
singin’ ‘bout being alone.


Ivanka Trump Nude On Page 3

Everybody has seen First Lady Melania Trump in the nude but how about the President's daughter, the beautiful Ivanka Trump in beautiful photos from the House of Cards? No, you weren't rooked this time, Ivanka trumps even the hottest of Billy's Page Three Girls in this exclusive. 

But wait, that's not all, we also have Ivanka's beautiful. half sister, Tiffany Trump just glittering for all of you to see. Tiffany, the daughter of The Donald and actress, Marla Maples, took time off from her studies at the University of Pennsylvania recently to pose for this shot in what is without a doubt the first sisters, two up Page 3 Girls exclusive anywhere.
Now beat that you British tabloids. It might be that you Brits invented Page 3 Girls but thanks to we Americans here at Billy's Page Three Girls, you've been trumped-- twice.
Remember: here at Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing, Farming & Transportation... we don't just whack 'em, we wa…


Sellouts are so many
and lovers never know
the secrets of the apple
frozen in the soul
Clouds cannot support our dreams
Stop, do not proceed!
The mighty Thor can't save you now,
he's caught up in the weed

Never seen a link poem before? Read the poem then go back and read it while clicking on each of the highlighted words. Then maybe you'll get it. I've no idea who invented the link poem but I've been writing them for 10 years or more.

Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 8

The left brain and the right brain
don't always agree
but they're always together.

Keyboard shortcuts are cool
and will get you there faster
except when they don't.

You can write a novel
with a snowflake. Cool,
but will anyone read it after it dries?

You can do the Dubstep
anywhere you like--
just don't expect to travel far.

The McKinley Health Center
will help you design a resistance training program
but they won't get you out of the bed.

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 16

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle

In about ten minutes or so a well dressed man who I'd say was about 60 years old and looking quite fit for his age, walked into the room and sat down at the table across from me. He sat there looking at me for a couple of minutes not saying a word, looked all around the room then said, "Place your palms flat on the table."

I did as he instructed and asked, "Now what?"

"No matter what happens," he said, "be still. Do not move your hands and do not show what is in your hand to the camera."

"But there's nothing in my hand," I said.

"Give it a minute," He smiled.

In just a minute I felt something under my right hand. "Don't show it to the camera," he warned, "Just act like nothing is happening and slip it into your pocket."

I did as he said and asked, "What is it?"

"It's a transponder," he said.

"You mean one of those …

January 20

Time to dress up,
put on fancy shoes,
wear your best duds,
hang out with friends,
drink fancy suds,
make a big sceen
and get in the way,
get out the news:
Penguin Awareness Day!

Need coffee!!!!

Taking The War To Them

The Gods Of Fear

Lost, I think,
a job well done.
The war we lost, the battle won.
No need to shout
what none can hear,
spit it out
and never fear
the gods

Catch Me If You Can!

I chased success for a very long time. I've tired of chasing, now success can chase me.

Wendy Goes To Japan

Fast Food Resume

Wasabi Burgers came to town,
"I'm only $16 bucks.
A better deal you'll never find.
Girl, you're now in luck.
For $16 bucks the Whopper dies
and never comes back 'round.
How 'bout it, Wendy, hire me
and BK, he goes down!"

Will Wendy hire Wasabi Burgers to take down the Burger King? Will foie gras become the newest weapon in the Fast Food Wars? Is Wendy really force feeding ducks? How long will the main stream media refuse to tell the story? Come back next week when we hear Wendy say, "Wasabi, you're hired."

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 15

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle

Getting arrested for the crime of riding a motorcycle was bad enough but to get arrested 58 years into the future... Well that had to be a first, right?

Only I wasn't the first and the government-- at least what was left of the government, and the Google-- were very perplexed that from time to time people would show up who had disappeared and been assumed dead for decades. And usually they showed up on old cars, trucks, or motorcycles that were no longer allowed on the road.

You see, by 2050 a lot of things had changed. Apparently the Google was founded in the late 1990s as a communications, information, and advertising company and rapidly grew buying up its competitors along the way. Eventually the Google started buying up infrastructure and its growth coincided with this thing called the Internet which almost nobody had even heard of in 1992.

The Google pioneered  autonomous cars changing the name of their car company to Waymo …

The Nature Of The Beast

When it comes to political animals, nothing is ever what it seems to be. And even the politicians you believe in the most will eventually lie to the very people who would have most allowed them to make mistakes.

It is, after all, the nature of the beast.

Online Rail Service Begins Today

Today we make our way about on another of Billy's Guided Internet Tours, a 3-D poem inspired by random images and web pages I find online and share with you. Just remember to stay on the trail as most of the Internet remains as yet, uncharted and rated Naughty.

Out Of Control

As we make our was around the bend
and ready each, our list
matching all that comes our way
abandoned dreams exist.
We live the horrors we can dream,
in life there's no mistakes.
So come to me my absinthe queen
and we'll not use the brakes...

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 14

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle 

Living and working with Frank, George and Jenny had been fun but the day finally came when I decided I should turn eastward and start making my way back home. Not that I was in a hurry, there was still a lot of back-country roads I wanted to ride and I planned on spending months doing it but to get caught out on the plains on a motorcycle come winter was not the sort of thing I needed to be doing. So with Spring ahead of me I threw a leg across the seat and put Nothin' Special gently into the wind.

I was about three days and at least a hundred little towns out of Spot when I came upon a tiny crossroads of a town called, Feather. I slowed to below the posted speed limit, kept the noise down and eased on through as not to stir up any of the locals as it was getting late but Feather just didn't look like the sort of place that might have me. I can't explain it really, it's just a feeling you get that comes with time and …

Presidental Debates 2012

Politicians debate to decide but our fate
built on promise put forth 'fore our eyes
but the visions they cast of futures since past
are hollow and made of but lies.
What the future might bring without anything
politicians might bring to the table
could be equal as grand as the candidates' plan
and better for those who are able.

Written October 3, 2012

Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 7

Mind Exchange has no minds in stock.
Did they loose their minds?

Big Heart Cards doesn't sell cards
or hearts of any size.

College Fight Songs?
Can you get a degree in fighting?

Modern Superhero Fashion?
The clothes make the man?

My Bills IQ is an F
but I have no bills.

Who2 helps you find famous people
but it doesn't tell you where they are.

Predator Hunter doesn't hunt
and Art Depot has no art.

Fabergé is the perfect gift
for the person who needs more shiny crap.

Please continue reading  Things I Found On The Web Today, Part 8

Ode To The Man Who Mends The World

The Laborer

He fixes the earth
while the rest, they all play,
visit far away places
where they'll never stay.
He serves them their cake,
they only complain
While she dreams of another
and he thinks, bombs away!

Watching America Crumble

There was a time in my life when I actually had a pretty good job as the general manager of a scrap metals recycling company, the kind of place that many folks refer to as a scrap yard, where businesses and individuals sell various kinds of scrap metals which are then sorted, shredded, sorted again, and shipped to various foundries and smelters to be turned back into new metals.

Hundreds per day crossed my state certified scales weighing loads as small as 1 pound to as large as 50,000 pounds or more. Some on foot, others in tractor-trailers and everything in between.

It was during this time I got a face to face encounter with the economic meltdown caused by the too big to fail banks in 2007 and 2008.

While the scrap metal industry actually did pretty well until late in 2008, the rest of the nation was falling apart and it could be seen by who was coming to the scrap yard and what they were driving. Previously scrappers had been the outcast of society-- people who for whatever reason, …

Breeding Another Revolution


Revolutions start with children
bored, dissatisfied;
nothing to do but grow up wrong
watching the other side
until the day it finally comes
young muscles must be flexed...

And then our "leaders" stand about
and feign how they're perplexed...

Written July 3, 2013

Make Mine A Biggie!

Fast Food Delights

A spicy chicken sandwich
walked down my street today,
said she was a happy meal,
said I could have it my way.
She said with her friend, Whopper,
they’d give me quite a shake,
said meet them at the border
where their friend Wendy waits.

And her friend Parfait said,
“I’m sweet on you.”

And so even soldiers fighting the Fast Food Wars need time off for a little R&R once in a while. Stay tuned next time when Wendy says, "Would you like to make that a double, Soldier boy?"

You Can Choose Your Friends But...

The Utter Disgrace

Yesterday you threatened me.
Tomorrow you're my friend
as if it never happened
but I know you'll do it again.
You call to ask what's happening,
what's new around my place
but never utter apologies...

From a long ago, less happy time in my life...

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 13

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle

Hanging out with Frank, George and Jenny did a lot to take my mind off of the things that had happened to me. We worked a little every day, painted the diner inside and out, split wood, wrenched on old bikes and cars, and rode a lot. The days were pleasant and the wood stove in the barn kept the loft above warm even on the coolest nights.

And I don't remember eating a peanut butter sandwich or bathing in a creek the entire time I was there.

Frank had an old K Model Harley he was restoring. It was only the second one I'd ever saw, the first being a basket case belonging to a friend back home. George was building a rat rod from an old Jeep pick-up. We cut it in two, lengthened it, slammed it to the ground, threw the fenders away, welded it back together, then started welding grinding and cutting all over. He had a low mileage, 500 cubic inch Cadillac V8 engine and automatic transmission he planned to put in it as is, with no m…

History Of Wackemall: Part 63, Mike Cross

Mike Cross (1946- ) is well known as a singer-songwriter, entertainer, and folk musician who signed to Sugar Hill Records along with  Doc Watson, Jerry Douglas, Sam Bush, Dolly Parton and others, has enjoyed success without ever becoming main stream.

When Mike Cross first began performing the old folk standard, Wackemall for Breakfast, he knew the original lyrics were as follows:

"Lord preserve us, Saints protect us, we been drinkin' wackemall for breakfast..."
You see, it had long been known that drinking wackemall every morning made one healthier, increased lifespan, made men stronger, women prettier, and cheered up even the grouchiest dispositions. But Cross, a native of  Maryville, Tennessee and true son of the south, knew all too well that wackemall, still in short supply when he began singing Wackemall for Breakfast in the 1970s, with only 1 small mine producing limited amounts of wackemall in Greensboro, North Carolina-- most people would have no idea what wackemal…

Kelly Brook Nude On Page 3

We're not talking about topless, upskirts, nip slips or leaked videos cut from film, we're talking about sexy Miss Kelly Brook nude, natural and naked baring all her sexy curves right here as today's page three girl. And did we mention Kelly's buff shots are free? No celebrity scandal here, we've got Kelly Brook's slice of the day.

Talk about eye contact, is that a great shot or what? Puts me in the mood for fishtales from the Hotel Babylon at the School for Seduction on nearby Survival Island. Carry on London, we'll be looking for more hot shots of Kelly Brook along with Brooke Shields, Brooke Baily and Jenna Brook right here on Billy's Page 3 Girls.

How Long Has This Been Going On?


Standing at the crosswalk,
the sign reads, 'Out of Service' He's stuck, there is no place that he can go.
So he sits down on the sidewalk. getting really nervous,
wondering if anybody knows...

How long before the damned thing is fixed?

Nothin' Special, Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle: Page 12

Continued from Adventures On My Talking Motorcycle 

The next few months were arduous. I just couldn't get over seeing Thor pull Charlotte's lifeless body out of the burning wreck before lying down and dying himself. I just couldn't get over the loss of so much all at one time.

I thought about trying to find my way back to Goodbuyville. It had been over nine months, Melissa would have given birth to baby Melissa by now. I'd be a father-- I could start over again. But no one had ever found their way back to Goodbuyville and at the time I wasn't feeling very lucky.

So I headed to the coast, turned south, and only rode a few miles each day, stopping to take in almost everything I saw in an effort to keep my mind off of what had happened.

I spent my nights camping just far enough off the road not to be seen, took most of my baths in rivers and streams, and survived mostly on coffee and peanut butter sandwiches. Sometimes I toasted the bread over a campfire. Nothin' …