Mar 30, 2016

Bugs And Lilies Wackemall

Ramseur, NC-- The origins of Wackemall exist in a strange symbiotic threesome between a tiny creature, a plant and Wachemall itself. That's according to researchers at Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing & Farming... and Wackemall University.

For thousands of years miners and users of Wackemall have been aware of a tiny 10 legged bug, commonly called the Wacky Bug, neither insect nor spider, that lives by eating the Wackemall Lily (Wackemus Lilium) known only to grow in very high concentrations of Wackemall.

It has recently been proven that secretions from the Wacky Bugs, their wastes and rotting corspes all contain a chemical known as Wackemus Growus, necessary to the growth of the Wackemall Lily. Attempts to grow the Wackemall Lily without Wackemus Growus have been found to be unsuccessful if not impossible.

Because Wackemus Growus can only come from the Wacky Bug, the Wackemall Lily cannot live without the Wacky Bug.

And because the only food the Wacky Bug will eat is the Wackemall Lily the Wacky Bugs can only live where the Wackemall Lily grows.

Because the Wackemall Lily only grows in high concentrations of Wackemall, Wacky Bugs and Wackemall Lilies can only be found where Wackemall is found.

But wait, it gets better.

Researchers have discovered yet another twist they've yet to explain, sort of a chicken and egg scenario.

When the bodies of dead Wacky Bugs combine with dead Wackemall Lilies to rot and decompose they go through a complicated chemical and biological process to form Wackemall, making Wackemall a 100% renewable fossil resource able to renew itself, not over the course of millions of years as in the case of oil and gas, but in just months or years.

Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing & Farming... CFO Harold Hartsoe, told Wackemall Network News today, "This is the most exciting thing in the entire history of Wackemall. This means that in just a few short years our old Greensboro mine can be reopened and through proper management, it and our Ramseur mine will never run dry. We can be full of Wackemall forever."

No dates were given on when the Greensboro mine would reopen.

Mar 1, 2016

New Taxi Service Coming To Piedmont Triad

Greensboro, NC-- Lifetime Greensboro resident, master mechanic and local entrepreneur Ywan Mason has teamed up with investors and incentives made possible by the Greensboro economic development agency, the Piedmont Triad Partnership and the City of Greensboro to create a new taxi service called $12 and Gone.

The new taxi service will provide the fastest means of transportation available to and from anywhere in the Piedmont Triad with rates as low as $12 per trip.

By equipping used NASCAR race cars with doors and back seats along with other modifications necessary to make them driveable day and night, Mr Mason and his crew of highly trained professional race car drivers will speed as fast as 200 miles per hour from pick-up to delivery.

When asked about the new venture, Greensboro Mayor Nancy Vaughan said, "I see it as a win, win, guaranteed to attract businesses to Greensboro. Busy people are always in a hurry and need to get where they're going fast.This combined with Zack's downtown amusement park should put Greensboro over the top."

Greensboro Police Chief Wayne Scott countered critics concerns about safety saying, "These drivers are highly trained professionals and the NASCAR roll cages have long proven themselves effective in protecting occupants if a crash should take place. Besides, GDOT will soon be marking certain lanes specifically for the use of $12 and Gone taxis and GPD and other police agencies will aggressively ticket, tow and arrest anyone who violates these lane restrictions."

This special edition of the Wackemall Network News was made possible without support from anyone. Nobody buys media ads anymore, everyone is busy reading Facebook and Twitter.