Showing posts from February, 2016

Antique Car Thieves Captured

Wentworth, NC-- Rockingham County Deputies have uncovered an antique automobile theft ring operating in and around North Carolina and much of the Southeastern United States. In a early morning raid multiple antique cars and loaded car carriers were recovered.

The ring, long known to local law enforcement, North Carolina State Bureau of Investigation and the FBI as The Other Old Farts, had avoided capture for over 70 years until recently when Rockingham County Sheriff Sam Page assigned younger officers to the case. Sheriff Page had the following to say about the case during a press conference this morning:

"The old farts... ah, I mean officers, assigned to track down The Other Old Farts, while dedicated, were simply too old and too slow. After over 70 years on the job I was forced to demand their resignations and assign some younger farts.. I mean officers, excuse me, to take their place. The old farts... er retired officers, will receive their full retirements and all the benefit…

Gangsters Attack Asheboro

Asheboro, NC--  Wackemall Network News reporters have been given exclusive footage of knife wielding gangster attacking Hispanic neighborhoods near Asheboro early this morning.

While it cannot be seen in the video, some witnesses are saying that some of the crabs bear tattoos commonly found on racist skinhead groups and Nazi sympathizers.

Playing down the possibility of crabs being used for racist attacks, Asheboro Police Chief Jody P. Williams had the following to say about the matter, "Animals are just getting smarter all the time. They intend to take back the world that was once theirs. And if we don't learn how to deal with animals then racism will no longer be a problem."

This report was made possible without financial support from Libby Hill Seafood. After all, who would pay for this?

History Of Wackemall: Part 52, William Jennings Bryan

American orator and politician, United States Congressional Representative William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) 3 time Democratic Presidential candidate who was known during his time as "The Great Commoner" was always known as a guardian of the people, and an enemy of the banksters of his day.

While it is commonly known that Representative Bryan was a Silverite who pushed for Bimetallism and fought against attempts to establish any gold standard, recent documents uncovered in his personal writings indicate he might have been leaning towards a Wackemall based money standard because of the rarity of Wackemall in his day.

“Wackemall is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
The History of Wackemall is teaching us more than we ever thought possible about the history of mankind-- read it. 

Our story continues with History Of Wackemall: Part 53, Thomas Paine

Feral Cats Join Law Suit

Greensboro, NC-- Today Attorney Janet Marie Wallace of the firm Foskett Law, announced that feral cats would be joining the class action lawsuit filed yesterday against Guilford County Animal Control, and that two new defendants, the Guilford County Humane Society and Feral Cat Assistance Program of Greensboro, had been added.

The cats are suing saying they were made sterile without their consent and are claiming Guilford County cannot provide signed forms saying they gave permission to the surgical procedures required.

So far the County nor any of its agencies has yet to produce any documents signed by Felines.

Also joining the suit on behalf of the plaintiffs is Attorney Janet Ward Black of Ward Black Law whose specialty is personal injury law.

 "I'm so happy that Ward Black Law was chosen to be a part of this," Ms Black said to
Wackemall Network News reporters earlier today. "While Ms Wallace and Foskett Law are more than capable of handling the origional $28 Billion…

Cats File Class Action Law Suit

Greensboro, NC-- Crouchiing Tiger and hundreds of cats throughout Guilford County are suing Guilford County Animal Control.

Attorney Janet Marie Wallace of the firm Foskett Law, announced today that she had filed a class action law suit in Guilford Superior Court on behalf of the plaintiffs, Crouchiing Tiger and hundreds of other felines that had been neutered and spayed by the Guilford County Animal Shelter without their consent.

"Sterilization without consent is a huge problem," Ms Wallace stated. "These cats have the right to say what can and cannot be done to their own bodies. How would you feel if someone clipped you without your permission?"

Ms Wallace went on to explain that this case is not without precedent. A previous Eugenics program operated by the State of North Carolina from 1933 until 1977 was ordered closed by the State Legislature and in 2013 laws were passed that required that victims of  Eugenics be compensated.

"Think how you would feel,&qu…