Dec 31, 2015

Gibsonville Infected With Feetsfalloffus

Gibsonville, NC-- Residents of this rural bedroom community on the eastern edge of Guilford County between Greensboro and Burlington are in panic this morning as a rare virus known as Feetsfalloffus Handstoo has suddenly infected hundreds of residents there.

According to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia the virus is commonly found in native populations living in remote isolation along the far reaches of the Amazon River in South America but those populations are rarely effected because thousands of years of exposure have rendered most of them immune.

Feetsfalloffus Handstoo causes those who become infected to be unable to walk or pick-up anything. Bleeding to death is common as well.

In a press conference this morning, Gibsonville Town Manager, Ben Baxley, warned that all residents must remain in their homes and not venture outside until the crisis is over. "Until we get a handle on this there's really nothing we can do," Baxley said, "If you go outside there might not be anyone who can pick you up and carry you back in."

The Guilford County Health Department is looking into the source of the Feetsfalloffus Handstoo from their offices in Greensboro.

Guilford County Sheriff BJ Barnes said his department would be enforcing a quarantine zone around Gibsonville and is asking that no one try to go in or out of the Town of Gibsonville.

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by... What the wackemall? Nobody really pays us to sponsor this crap. Haven't you read our About page? We pick out the names and give away the advertising for free.

And with that in mind, thanks to Awards of Excellence, 1027 East Lindsay Street, Greensboro, NC.

Dec 27, 2015

History Of Wackemall: Part 48, Stephen Crane

Stephen Crane (1871-1900) While best known as the author of The Red Badge of Courage, Steven T Crane was also known as a prolific poet, novelist, and short story writer who throughout his short life, influenced many of the greats of his day and those to come later with his realism, naturalism, impressionism and innovation considered to be the greatest of his day.

So it was hardly a shock to historians studying the History Of Wackemall to find the following passage in an early draft of Crane's 1899 publication, War Is Kind.

"A man said to the universe: 
"Sir I exist!" 
"However," replied the universe, 
"The fact has not created in me 
A sense of wackemall." 

It's not known if it was Crane or his publisher who eventually changed the poem prior to publication. Perhaps it was felt the impressionism was too great for the times, the innovation too big for acceptance. Whatever the reason it died with Steven T Crane over a century ago leaving the the History Of Wackemall with as many questions as answers.

Please continue reading History Of Wackemall: Part 49, Sir Winston Churchill.

Dec 26, 2015

History Of Wackemall: Part 47, Galileo

Galileo Galilei (1564 – 1642), was an Italian astronomer, physicist, engineer, philosopher, and mathematician who no doubt played a major role in the scientific revolution during the Renaissance. His accomplishments include improvements in navigation, mathematics, discovery of previously unknown planets and their moons, advancements in the understanding of gravity and the discovery of sunspots.

 Galileo has been called the "father of observational astronomy" the "father of modern physics", and the "father of modern science" but his achievements weren't always accepted as such by the powers that be during his day. Such was the case when Galileo argued with Pope Urban VIII and the Jesuits,

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with Wackemall has intended us to forgo its use."

And so it was the Roman Catholic Church decided to allow the upper classes the use of Wackemall until the Jesuits could determine if it was safe for the entire population of Europe and the Roman Catholic world.

Historians researching the History Of Wackemall are still working to determine if the Jesuits ever came to a final solution or if the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church is still trying to keep Wackemall a secret.

Please continue reading History Of Wackemall: Part 48, Stephen Crane

Dec 22, 2015

Wackembucks: A Solution To America's Economic Crisis

While we here in the news team at Wackemall Network News are loath to report it, the following is yet another example of the dark side of modern journalism as our corporate masters continue to present problems as solutions in the never ending corporate takeover of the world. In other words, what you are about to read is yet another infomercial filled with nonsense purported to be facts.

Ramseur, NC-- Be it Wackemdust for crowd control, Wackemelves for those of you who simply haven't the time to get it all done, Barridogs, Barricats, Barricows and Barrigoats for contractors, farmers and landscape maintenance, or even the answer to consumer credit needs, Wackemcards, the folks at Wackemall Products just keep coming up with better and better ideas.

Why who can forget Wackemall Rx and Wackemall Rx for Women and how the guys in the white jackets in the Wackemall labs solved the problems of millions of people around the world? So in keeping with our goal to make the world a better place we here at Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing & Farming.... are proud to introduce Wackembucks-- the alternative to the shrinking dollar.

Unlike Dollars which are based in debt and create an unsustainable economy, or a gold based currency that is based on an ever shrinking supply of gold, Wackembucks are made from 100% pure, renewable Wackemall mined right here in our newest mine in Ramseur, North Carolina.

The advantage to Wackembucks is simple. You can always use Wackembucks for everything you use Wackemall for already. Think about it-- what can you do with a dollar besides spend it? Dollars are simply paper-- used paper at that. They're not even good for taking notes with all those markings already all over them.

Gold coins or bullion? Gold is heavy. You'll not go far with your pockets full of gold before you're completely tired out. As a means of exchange gold works okay but the costs incurred with using gold are too much for average folk to bear.

But Wackemall? Why you already know all the great things you can do with Wackemall and the guys in the white jackets keep coming up with new uses for Wackemall every day. The History Of Wackemall goes back as far as history itself, it's always been here and Wackemall is always going to be here to meet our economic needs and solve the problems of inflation for centuries into the future.

Americans don't need the government's Fiat currency, we want to buy Cadillacs and Lincolns, not wimpy little European imports. We want four wheel drive pick-ups with beds big enough to stuff a Fiat in the back-- tell the government to put their Fiat currency where the sun doesn't shine.

Better yet, the current exchange rate for Wackembucks to US Dollars is 1 to 1 but it won't stay that way forever as the Dollar continues to shrink. We recommend you make your way to Ramseur, North Carolina where our exchange agents eagerly await your arrival and will gladly help you protect yourself and your family from the coming economic downtown by exchanging your dollars for Wackembucks before the value of the Dollar shrinks any further.

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by JH Baldwin Inc, Hauling and Grading, Greensboro, NC (336) 272-2465

Dec 17, 2015

Church Of The Radioactive God Opens

McLeansville, NC-- Ministry Associate Larry Tucker's faith wasn't shaken when a truck loaded with radioactive isotopes including Uranium-235-- a highly enriched form of nuclear material used in electrical power plants and weapons-- crashed into McLeansville Baptist Church a few weeks ago during Sunday morning services.

"We just saw it as a sign," Tucker said. "Sure, it scared us but nobody was hurt and in a few days all the elders started feeling younger like maybe the radiation was good for us or something."

That's when members of the congregation got together and started talking about sharing this unexpected gift with others who might not usually come to McLeansville Baptist Church.

And so the idea to change the name of the church to the Church of the Radioactive God was born.

Mr Tucker assures Wackemall Network News that he and the rest of the congregation still believe in all the things that other Baptists believe in, it's just that now they glow and they want others to glow with them.

And glow they do. Recent visitors to the Church of the Radioactive God are starting to glow after only a few visits. And like the elders of the church they report feeling younger too. Many are now wearing adult diapers and living on liquid diets just like new born babies.

As to the effect on their long term faith Mr Tucker could only speculate but he and the rest of the congregation at the the Church of the Radioactive God will be happy to have you join them each and every Sunday morning.

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by Wade's Heating and Air
1111 Mt Hope Church Rd, McLeansville, NC. (336) 697-0300

Greensboro To Get Grand Prix

Greensboro, NC-- Greensboro City Councilwomen Sharon Hightower and Nancy Hoffman announced today they are planning to bring the world's longest and most grueling Grand Prix Road Racing circuit to Greensboro City streets.

If approved by the rest of City Council the route would take in several Greensboro City Parks including Greensboro Country Park, Barber Park and Keeley Park while passing through numerous Greensboro neighborhoods and residential areas for an overall course length of approximately 30 miles. Speeds in excess of 290 miles per hour are to be expected on some parts of the road course.

"Our hope," Councilwoman Hoffman said, "is to lure the United States Grad Prix, currently held on a 12 mile track just outside of Austin, Texas, to Greensboro. We think that by offering the racers the chance to go faster than they have ever gone before they will convince the Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile to bring the United States Grand Prix and other road racing events to Greensboro."

When asked about their chances for getting the approval of the rest of the City Council, Councilwoman Hightower said, "I don't know why they'd object. They want more visitors. Besides, they just voted to give Jamal's district a 10,000 foot ski resort."

Mayor Vaughan agreed that the city needs more attractions but said, "I have to drive on some of those streets to get my hair and nails done. And to take my daughter to school. I don't know if my car will go 290 miles per hour."

Councilman Wilkins complained that the planned road course didn't take in enough of District 5.

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by Furniture Connection.

Dec 16, 2015

City Council Wants More Land For Ski Resort

Greensboro, NC-- After yesterday's protests and an appearance by Goldie Wells and members of the East Greensboro group, Citizens for Economic and Environmental Justice, the Greensboro City Council decided last night that more land would be needed to build the 10,000 foot high mountain ski resort as proposed by City Councilmen Jamal Fox and Tony Wilkins.

In addressing the City Council last night, Goldie Wells stated that at the 1,000 acres of the White Street Landfill would not make a big enough footprint for a 10,000 foot tall mountain. Councilman Mike Barber agreed and motioned that the City of Greensboro immediately vote to take the communities of Woodmeer Park and Kings Forest by eminent domain.

Councilwoman Sharon Hightower seconded after much discussion about MWBE (Minority and Women Businesses) and the vote passed 8-0 with Councilwoman Yvonne Johnson being forced to abstain from voting because her home is in King's Forest.

Ms Wells and members of the Citizens for Economic and Environmental Justice were immediately forced out of Council Chambers as Mayor Nancy Barakat "Grasshopper" Vaughan exercised her new emergency powers under the newly amended Chapter 9, Article 1, Greensboro Code of Ordinances (Civil Preparedness and Emergency)

"Goldie and her group were so mad," Mayor Vaughan said, "I thought they were going to start a riot. So instead of waiting I used my emergency powers to have them locked up until they've had time to cool off."

"I don't know what they're so mad about," Councilman Fox added. "They said we needed more land so we took it."

"Yeah," Councilman Wilkins agreed, "and if we have to we'll exercise eminent domain over all of District 2 and solve that food desert problem while we're at it.

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by Libby Hill Seafood Restaurants. --NOT!

Dec 15, 2015

Neighbors Protest Proposed East Greensboro Ski Resort

Greensboro, NC-- This morning, former Greensboro City Councilwoman Goldie Wells lead members of the East Greensboro group, Citizens for Economic and Environmental Justice to protest the ski resort proposed by Councilmen Jamal Fox and Tony Wilkins set to go before City Council at tonight's regularly scheduled City Council Meeting.

Reporters for Wackemall Network News spoke briefly with Greensboro Mayor Nancy Barakat "Grasshopper" Vaughan who had the following to say, "I don't know why Goldie has her panties in such a wad. She's been harping more development for East Greensboro for the last twenty plus years. Tony and Jamal come up with the biggest tourist attraction to come to the Piedmont Triad since trains were invented and Goldie gets bent all out of shape."

"Yeah," Councilman Fox added, "you just can't please the old busy body. We're building this thing in her back yard."

Ms Wells and others from  Citizens for Economic and Environmental Justice expressed concerns that abominable snowmen might come down from the mountain to feed on children or that giant snowballs might fall on top of their houses. "It's just not safe," Ms Wells said, "this plan hasn't been fully thought out. One thousand acres is not a big enough foot print for a 10,000 foot high mountain peak."

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by the Renaissance Community Coop.

Dec 13, 2015

East Greensboro To Get Ski Resort

Greensboro, NC-- Long plagued by economic woes and corrupt government, the poverty stricken community of East Greensboro may soon be getting some relief.

In an ambitious move, District 5 Councilman Tony Wilkins has teamed up with District 2 Council Jamal Fox in announcing they plan to bring the first ski resort in Piedmont North Carolina to East Greensboro.

The plan calls for building a 10,000 foot peak on the current site of the White Street Landfill, currently closed to municipal solid waste but still open to yard waste and construction and demolition waste. According to Councilman Wilkins the City of Greensboro spends over $1 Million Dollars a year on leaf removal. "We pay out the yin-yang to pick up those leaves," Wilkins said, "it's time we figured out how to turn them into an asset."

If approved by City Council the plan calls for the closing of the Walmart and the Lowes Home Improvement stores on East Cone Boulevard so that both may be converted to ski lodges and luxury hotels. The additional businesses nearby could be granted incentives to convert their operations to businesses that cater to skiers and other travelers as the 9,100 foot ski lift will provide a scenic view that is expected to keep it busy year 'round.

"It's perfect," Councilman Fox said, "standing there straight and tall like a giant white titty. People will be able to see it from as far away as Raleigh. Everyone will want to play on it."

At 10,000 feet it would be the tallest peak east of the Rocky Mountains and would be snow capped far longer than other North Carolina ski resorts.

If built it will be the eastern most ski resort in North Carolina with faster access to major cities in North Carolina and much of Virginia than any other ski resort currently in existence.

Mr Wilkins explained that while the landfill remains closed to municipal solid waste, he believes there is no reason why the City can't continue accepting yard waste and construction and demolition waste for as long as necessary to build the mountain. "We can even speed up the process," Wilkins said, "by letting anyone dump for free. We'll have that ski resort built in just a few years."

When asked about the planned Cone Blvd connector, Wilkins and Fox both agreed it would be best to start planning and building a tunnel early in the process. Former Mayor Robbie Perkins indicated his company would be more than happy to arrange time shares on chalets.

Dec 11, 2015

Robots To Be Replaced By Amoebas

Research Triangle Park, NC-- First it was white Americans who no longer wanted to do manual labor and were replaced by African-Americans. Then African-Americans were replaced by Hispanics who worked longer hours for lower wages. Eventually the machines came and the age of computers and robots put even the Hispanics out of work and plunged the nation's economy into the worst depression since our nation's founding. Years later it seems there is no way out.

But today researchers in North Carolina's Research Triangle Park announced they've finally figured out a way to stick it to the machines. Bio-tech company, TeraDiscoveries Inc. company president and CEO. Ed Addison, announced today that his company had discovered a way to control single celled animals known as amoebas to get millions, even billions of them to work together to complete any task no matter how large.

"The cycle of evolution has finally come full circle," Mr Addison said today. "What began millions of years ago with simple single celled amoebas has evolved step by step all the way up to mankind being replaced by machines invented by men. And now those same single celled amoebas will replace the machine in what can only be seen as a victory for the natural order as laid out by God."

Protesters outside of TeraDiscoveries Inc. expressed concerns that Addison and his researchers might have become a bit overzealous in their efforts to restore the natural order but were quickly rounded up by robot police programmed to arrest anyone who steps foot on any RTP sidewalk at any time. As the robots were dragging him away, one protester was heard to shout, "Who's going to support us now? Will amoebas pay FICA and income taxes?"

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by Tri City Auto Salvage, home of the junk yard dog.

Dec 10, 2015

Road Rage

There is was on the back of his rig. The jerk in the truck in front of me had just cut me off and right before my eyes, on the back of his truck were the big bold words, "Don't like the way I drive? Call someone that gives a wackemall. Dial 1-800-W A C K E M A L L"

"What the wackemall?" I shouted. "Who do these people think they are?" To say I was pissed would have surely been an understatement.

Traffic slowed to a crawl, I was stuck behind the jerk looking at nothing but the sign on the back of his truck. I grabbed my cell and dialed 1-800- W- A- C   K -E- M -A , seven numbers just like any other phone number. Then I heard it, "You cannot complete your call as dialed. Please hang up and try again."

"Wackemall!" I shouted as traffic came to a complete stop. "Maybe I dialed it wrong. I dialed again, carefully, 1-800- W- A- C   K -E-M -A . "You cannot complete your call as dialed. Please hang up and try again."

"It's all a bunch of wackemall!" I shouted, "just one big joke!" But for some reason I hit redial.

Again and again I dialed the number, traffic was going nowhere, I had nothing else to do. Every time the results were the same, "You cannot complete your call as dialed. Please hang up and try again. You cannot complete your call as dialed. Please hang up and try again.You cannot complete your call as dialed. Please hang up and try again."

Finally, out of sheer frustration I dialed  1-800- W- A- C   K -E- M -A but just as I finished dialing I added L-L  just as traffic was starting to move. "Hello," a woman's voice replied. I couldn't believe it.

"Is this Wackemall?" I asked, not giving her time to say anything else.

"Yes it is," she replied cheerfully, "How can I help you?"

"Your driver just cut me off," I complained.

"He did," she exclaimed, "Well today might be your lucky day."

"What?" I asked.

"Can you still see our truck?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered, "he's about 20 feet in front of me, traffic is moving really slow."

"Good," she said, "I'll tell him to stop and apologize to you. How's that sound?"

"Okay, I guess," I really didn't know what to say.

A moment later the truck stopped and the driver walked back to my car carrying a briefcase and grinning from ear to ear. "You're the first one to get it right," he said. "I was beginning to wonder how many people I'd have to cut off before somebody figured out to dial the last 2 numbers?"

Now I was as curious as I was angry. "You mean you cut people off deliberately?" I asked.

"When they tell me to," he answered.

"Buy why?" I questioned.

"So I can give them this," he said handing me the briefcase. "Go ahead, open it, it's yours."

Slowly I opened the briefcase not knowing what to expect. "What the wackemall..."

"No, not wackemall," he laughed as he turned and walked back to his truck, "just a briefcase full of hundred dollar bills. How's that for an apology?"

He was almost back in his cab when I found the words and shouted, "Thanks, cut me off anytime!"

Dec 9, 2015

History Of Wackemall: Part 46, Glenn Beck

Usually when people talk about history they think hundreds and thousands of years in the past and while  the History Of Wackemall dates back thousands of years our historians are also busy recording our history as it happens.

 Glenn Beck (1964- ?)  American television personality, author, conservative political commentator, and radio host famously said,

  “The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be president would be 'What the hell you mean we're out of Wackemall?"
He blamed his shortage of Wackemall on Progressive Suspension by "Crime Inc." but was never able to prove his accusations and was never able to produce receipts to prove that he had ever purchased any Wackemall.

Mr Beck was never able to explain what motorcycle springs had to do with his missing Wackemall but historians speculate that if his springs were damaged his Wackemall might have bounced out of his saddlebags while riding down a bumpy sidewalk.

Please continue reading  History Of Wackemall: Part 47, Galileo

Dec 8, 2015

Sasquatch Go On Sale Friday

Asheboro, NC-- Family Pet Center of Asheboro announced today that beginning on Friday they will have a limited number of hand fed Sasquatch for sale at their Fayettville Street location.

These Sasquatch are 6th generation domestically raised stock descended from wild Sasquatch brought back by Sir Edmond Hillary when he first ascended Mount Everest in 1953.

Jason Allen, a wildlife biologist with the NC Wildlife Resources Commission argued that the animals were really Yeti, also known as Abominable Snowmen, and not Sasquatch which are native only to North America.

A spokesperson for the Pet Center said Sasquatch make great pets, are affectionate, kind and very protective of children if given the proper training. A Sasquatch can do the work of several men, rarely gets sick and tends to keep to itself except when called upon. And nothing more than strong walls and doors are required to keep them contained.

It is believed these are the first Sasquatch to ever go on sale to the public. Prices are not being published as they are being sold via private auction. To learn more about how to submit a bid, call Family Pet Center at (336) 629-7701.

This edition of the Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by All Pets Considered, locally owned and operated in Greensboro, North Carolina since 1992.

Dec 7, 2015

Coal Ash Discovered To Be Non Toxic

Eden, NC-- Researchers for the North Carolina Department of Environmental and Natural Resources (NC DENR) the environmental agency tasked with monitoring emissions and other industrial pollution, announced today they are cancelling orders to clean up 30 coal ash ponds at 14 different locations across the state including Duke Energy's Dan River site where the nation's 3rd largest coal ash spill in history took place in February of 2014.

Calling the dangers a "bunch of wackemall"  Eden Mayor Wayne Tuggle, Sr said, "We don't need to haul that coal ash away. We can spread it out on folks' driveways and country roads like we've been doing 'round these parts for years. Why it packs really tight after just a few weeks of driving over it."

Mayor Tuggle went on to explain that instead of hauling Eden's coal ash away, he and the rest of the Eden Town Council along with Rockingham County Commissioners, are looking for a site large enough to store all of North Carolina's coal ash for future uses.

"Think of it this way," Mayor Tuggle said. "used to be nobody wanted waste oil. Now waste oil is valuable because it can be recycled into new oil. Sooner or later someone is going to figure out a use for coal ash and the Town of Eden is going to be sitting on the biggest pile of ash you've ever seen."

While critics were quick to criticize none were willing to go on record as being opposed after North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory announced the North Carolina National Guard would be used in transporting the coal ash safely to Eden.

Stay tuned to Wackemall Network News for the latest updates on this and other breaking stories as allowed by government censors, brought to you by Awards Of Excellence, 1027 E Lindsay St, Greensboro, North Carolina 27405. That is, until the boss finds out and cancels the check.

Dec 6, 2015

History Of Wackemall: Part 45, Elvis Presley

If ever there was a biggest fan of Wackemall it was without a doubt Elvis Aaron Presley
(1935--1977) "the King of Rock and Roll"  who went down in history as having sold over 600 million records, won three Grammys, received the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, and was inducted into multiple music halls of fame.

But those who knew him best knew him for his part in the History Of Wackemall as many of Elvis' most popular love songs like Love Me Tender and All Shook Up were written not for women but to express his love for Wackemall. Even Heartbreak Hotel was written at a time when Elvis ran out of Wackemall while on tour and couldn't get any more for several weeks.

Elvis as he was known to friends and fans alike, often came to visit the old Wackemall mines beneath Greensboro, North Carolina whenever he was touring nearby. It was there he would always buy all the Wackemall the tour bus could carry. And it was there we often heard Elvis express his true feelings for Wackemall as quoted below:

"A live concert to me is exciting because of all the wackemall that is generated in the crowd and on stage. It's my favorite part of the business, live concerts."

 "Wackemall is something you either have or don't have, but when you have it, you have it all over."
"Wackemall is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away."

"Every time I think that I'm getting old, and gradually going to the grave, wackemall happens."

And finally... 
"Man, I really like Wackemall."

Please continue reading  History Of Wackemall: Part 46, Glenn Beck

Dec 3, 2015

Wackemdust Crowd Control Alternatives

In keeping with Edward Bernays' time honored beliefs that "propaganda and purposely created news were legitimate tools of his business" and that  "that the manipulation of public opinion was a necessary part of democracy" we here at Wackemall Network News bring you this latest thinly veiled attempt at corporate propaganda.

Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing & Farming... is proud to announce the latest breakthrough from Wackemall Labs-- the same people who brought you  Barridogs and Barricats, the Wackemcard, and Wackemall Therapy Services.

Beginning on December 24, 2014, Wackemall Labs will begin shipping to newest and most effective form of non lethal crowd control ever invented to police departments throughout the United States of America and Canada.

Wackemdust is made from 100% pure, organic Wackemall mined in Ramseur, North Carolina mixed with other undisclosed ingredients protected by trade secret laws. Wackemdust has no harmful side effects, is non toxic and works by the power of suggestion. Got an unruly crowd of demonstrators? Hit them with the Wackemdust and suggest they go home and sleep it off. It works every time. Or just tell them all to arrest themselves and walk directly to jail. They'll be there in no time.

Just don't suggest they take a flying leap off a tall building as that will void the Wackemdust non lethal warranty.

Wackemdust has as many delivery options as you can imagine. It comes in dust grenades, can be dispersed from crop dusting style airplanes, sprayed into crowds from shouldered weapons, added to the water supply and because it works on contact and not just by breathing you can also pour bulk Wackemdust into your water cannons and fire trucks and give your local protestors a good soaking.

And the best part is: unlike LRAD, Pepper Spray, Mace and other means of crowd control, you only need tell them not to file complaints and lawsuits and those thoughts will never cross their minds. You can even convince them they are cops and put them to work for law enforcement at no cost to your budget.

Think about it, isn't Wackemdust the crowd control alternative you've always dreamed of? Why you might even want to start using Wackemdust in the office water coolers to get some of those unruly and least effective officers in line.

This edition of Wackemall Network News has been brought to you by M'Coul's Public House in downtown Greensboro.