Oct 16, 2015

Wackemall Mafia

"Hold it," the young police officer commanded. "What's that in your pocket?"

Not wanting any trouble I slowly placed my hands behind my head and answered, "A twenty-five..."

"Up against the wall!" he shouted as he slammed me against the wall and kicked my legs apart. "Spread those legs wide!" In seconds I was surrounded by police officers, sheriff's deputies, highway patrol and other law enforcement officers.

He reached into my pocked and pulled out my new twenty-five foot tape measure. "What's this?" he asked.

"It's a tape measure," I calmly replied not wanting to raise tensions any higher than they already were. Rookie cops scare me. Rookie cops who slam me against walls while pointing loaded guns at me scare me even more.

"Why are you carrying a tape measure into the county courthouse?" the young officer asked.

"I'm the lead man on the crew that's remodeling the judge's quarters," I replied, "the rest of the crew will be here as soon as they finish loading up the tools and materials. I just thought I'd start getting some measurements before they get here to save some time."

"That makes sense," the young officer said. "So what do I do now?" he asked looking back at the rest of the officers who were already holstering their weapons.

"Well unless you think that tape measure is loaded with Wackemall I'd give it back to him, apologize, and let the man go to work," one of the older officers suggested.

That dumb rookie never thought to search my other pocket where I'd stashed a cheap .25 Automatic loaded with Wackemall tipped rounds. And that's how I managed to kill the judge in a courthouse full of cops with 2 to the back of his head and never get caught.