May 19, 2018

The Pink Panther Rides Again

When my son was about 3 years old his favorite cartoon character, and mine too, was the Pink Panther. When in Texas I found a t-shirt with a picture of the Pink Panther riding an armadillo so I brought one home for him.

The shirt, not the armadillo.

Living in North Carolina, and being only 3, Jason had never seen nor heard of an armadillo but he knew what possums were so he immediately thought the Pink Panther was riding a possum. He thought it hilarious.

This led to me finding the World Book Encyclopedia and finding him a picture of an armadillo as well as showing him Texas on the map.

He wore that shirt for about 3 years until it was completely ragged and he has so outgrown it that he could no longer pull it over his head and shoulders. Then he insisted it be hung on his wall until finally his mother had all she could take.

May 18, 2018

Land Ho!

Adrift At C

Endless Cs have passed by me
flying past me in a swarm,
until the day has finally come,
I'm thinking I'll call Norm...

And see if he'll give me a ride.

May 17, 2018

Less Talk, More Action

I used to deliver rolls of fabric imported from Mexico to a warehouse in Brooklyn where no two employees spoke the same language. It was a good run, Laredo, Texas to New York brought me through my home in Greensboro, North Carolina twice a week, and racked up more miles than running west coast.

In that warehouse were almost a dozen men who couldn't talk to one another. I asked the man
who owned and managed the business, an Orthodox Jewish man, about it. "I can speak every one of their languages," he said. "They can't talk to anyone but me. Less talk means more work gets done."

I must admit, they were quite fast at loading and unloading trailers.

May 15, 2018

Kiss My Ass

I was never good at kissing ass even when I had to do it to get a paycheck-- been fired from more jobs than anyone I know. A boss-man once said to me, "Billy, you don't respect authority."

I replied, "No Sir, I respect authority, I just don't respect stupid authority."

It was worth getting fired to see the look on his face.

Now that I'm retired you can all kiss my ass.

May 13, 2018

Where Does It Go?

Door In The Floor

There's a door in the floor, where it leads no one knows.
We'd find out if we only could,
but we were all told, don't open the door,
and we always do as we should.

But if we don't know just where to door goes
we can't follow it, you see.
Nor can we know what might come crawling out--
a monster or someone like me.

So we stare at the door like always before,
always thinking it might be the best
to just block the door, think of it no more,
and consider the subject in jest.

May 12, 2018

A Thousand Words

"Stand in the middle."

"In the middle of what?"

"In the middle of the picture."

"What picture? I don't see any picture."

"The picture I'm about to take."

"You're about to take a picture?"

"Yes, I'm going to take a picture."

"But you don't have a camera. How can you take a picture without a camera?"

"I'm going to go buy a camera."

"And you want me to stand here while you go buy a camera?"


"So I'm supposed to stand here and do nothing while you go no telling where for no telling how long to buy a camera then come back and take my picture, as if I've got nothing better to do than wait on you. Does that sound about right?"


"What part did I get wrong?"

"I'm not going to take your picture."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not."

"So why do you want me to stand in the middle of the picture if you're not going to take my picture?"

"To mark the spot, Silly. Otherwise I might not come back to the right place."

May 11, 2018

Two Eagles Talking

"Did you hear there is talk in Washington about replacing the President of the United States of America?"

"What are they going to replace him with?"

"I donno, a talking parrot?"

"How about a bread warmer?"

"Why a bread warmer?"

" 'Cause then all that hot air would actually do something."

"Going to need a lot of bread."

Photo via harry pherson photography.

Two Eagles Talking is made possible by the President, Vice President, United States Senate, 435 members of the United States House of Representatives, and the voters who were stupid enough to think that voting for any of them would fix anything.