Aug 23, 2016

Guinea Pig Tractor

Ever heard of a guinea pig tractor? The link goes to Google where you can find several examples and instructions on how to build your own.

(Click on the photo to enlarge.)

A guinea pig tractor is without a doubt the easiest and cheapest way to raise guinea pigs. For starters, a guinea pig's favorite foods grow in your yard. Up to 80% of a guinea pig's diet can be grass. And here in the Piedmont of North Carolina your guinea pig can live outdoors 10 months out of the year.

I built this guinea pig tractor when I was raising guinea pigs for sale. Since our farm is 45 minutes away from my home I needed an easy way to keep a few piggies close at hand to drop off at customers nearby without having to travel to the farm with every order. This did the trick.

Using the guinea pig tractor is easy. Lift up the metal roof and put your piggy inside. Your grass will be accessible to your piggy through the chicken wire on the floor. Don't worry about Piggy's feet, the chicken wire lays flat on the ground. And to make sure Piggy's feet stay healthy there's a ledge Piggy can climb on to rest her feet if necessary.

Of course you'll want to hang a big water bottle on the shaded side and move Piggy to the shade on really hot days. And always make sure you have store bought guinea pig food available for him as he needs more Vitamin C than he can get from eating grass, clover and weeds. Or add just enough pure cranberry juice to his water to make it turn pink.

And be sure you are not spraying any chemicals on your lawn.

Then just use the handles to move the tractor it's own length or width most every day depending on how fast your grass grows and how much of a pig Ms Piggy happens to be.

Piggy will help mow your lawn and help fertilize at the same time. And if you move the tractor almost every day there's no stink and almost no clean-up ever needs be done.

Since I'm not in the pig business any more I'll let this Guinea Pig Tractor go for $10.00 cash, in Greensboro, North Carolina. Or I'll deliver anywhere in Greensboro for a total of $25.00. Just send an e-mail to

Remember: There's only 1 and when it is gone it is gone.

Aug 21, 2016

Not So Holy Wedlock

I knew this girl that worked at a truckstop in Winder, Georgia. She was 25 and had been married 5 times.

I was trying to pick her up but she kept telling me she was a Christian and never had sex outside of marriage. Finally, knowing I wasn't making any headway I looked at her in front of the other waitresses and said, "So let me get this straight, you've been married 5 times and you're only 25 and you never have sex out of wedlock?"

"That right," she smiled.

"So in other words," I replied, "Every time you get horny you get married."

The look on her face and laughs from the other waitresses were worth being told I had to leave the truckstop and not come back.

Old Habits

Old habits die hard... And rarely for the right reasons.

Sheryl Crow, Nude Page 3 Girl

This week’s all nude Page 3 Girl is none other than Cheryl Crow. No, not that Sheryl Crow, this Cheryl Crow.

Cheryl Crow, Page 3 Girl Cheryl, along with her band of birds that include Tim, Shawn, Mike, and Peter, have been flying all over the country since leaving Missouri a few years ago. “Are they trying to become famous?” you ask.

No, they’re crows, remember: they’re looking for corn fields. Or perhaps to crash and burn.

This particular photograph was taken in the parking lot of of a Tuesday night music club on Diamond Road where Cheryl was heard to squawk, “All I wanna do is soak up the sun and hide from Kid Rock so I don’t get hit with the difficult kind of... Na-na, you missed me. A change would do you good.”

To which Steve McQueen was heard to reply, “There goes the neighborhood. I’m over you and I’m leaving Las Vegas to find a place that’s safe and sound.” We wonder what hubby, Lance Armstrong thinks?

Come back next week to view our next look at all nude, Page Three Girls... or we can talk about the hole in my pocket.

Aug 19, 2016

Babies, Blue Hearts And Pot Brownies

"Oh Baby, do you look hot in fur!" I shouted. And as she stripped in front of me, she held my world in her hands, so I gave her my blue heart.

But alas I had to get on up the road and pen a pretentious poem while eating her pot brownies.

This was another of my hyperlink poems, or guided Internet tours as I sometimes refer to them. To really enjoy the full effect of this multimedia poetry you must click on each link to view what is behind, giving the text a 3rd dimension. It's a form of text that can only exist on the Internet but sadly, because of link rot, does not last forever.

Aug 18, 2016

Eating The Empire

Big Mac Attack!

The Big Mac Attack is coming soon
and all will then be lost.
The red headed clown will put us down
no matter what the cost.
So hide your chicken sandwiches
and all that you hold dear
for all that is left will be sesame seeds,
when Big Mac, he gets here.

Could the end of the Fast Food War be near or are the fries just overcooked?

Food Fight!

Submariners Attack

Jersey Mike And Jimmy John each took the Subway
no doubt of the invasion they had planned.
While Blimpie floated far above, relaying their commands.

Quizino, he waited in the harbor
beneath the murky waters cold and deep
while dreaming of the day fries would perish in the streets.

But when the day was over, there was no turning back.
The red headed clown was laughing, found
where the Subway jumped the track.

The Micky Ds terrorists strike the homeland for a second time and the Main Stream Media still refuses to tell the story. Can no one see what is going on? Am I the only one? Remember: conspiracy starts with a con... And you are all being conned.
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