Oct 23, 2016

Parking Meters Strike For Better Working Conditions?

Parking Meter Hymn

It's Sunday, it's Sunday,
a meter's day off.
Why are you downtown?
Go fishing, play golf.
Go hiking, go swimming,
what ever you do
but don't park downtown
'cause we need breaks too.

Oct 22, 2016

Enter Stage Left: The Long Dong of Burgers

Foot Long Patty

Angus Melt, he came to town
to kick some burger butts
riding in a submarine.
The King just thought him nuts.
The red headed clown, well he fell down
from laughing oh so hard,
saying, "How does he think up these scripts?
He's one whacked out bard!"

Wait a minute... Are the characters in the Fast Food War talking about me? Since when do the journalists call the shots? I just write down what they tell me.

Shift Change

When I was 21 (1977) I made my first trip to the west coast driving a tractor-trailer. I had a drop in San Diego and a final in LA and was hoping to get both off the same day.

Back east here there was no such thing as truck lane restrictions way back when and I'd never heard tell of such a thing so I put my rig in the far left lane and let her roll.

I probably would have got away with it except for a woman in a 280Z who wouldn't pull over and let me pass. I looked in my rear view hoping to pass her on the right and saw a Camaro with a front end full of flashing blue lights.

So like folks from here in North Carolina are taught to do, I turned on my right turn signal and began making my way to the right shoulder of I-5. Took me more than 4 miles to get there without running over anyone. Six lanes are hard to cross.

The Trooper was some kind of pissed but even in all that wind his hair remained perfect. "What in the hell do you think you're doing," he shouted.

"Well officer," I replied with my best Southern draw, I'm going to LA for the first time in my life and I'm in a hurry."

"I can see that!" He shouted, "but what in the hell are you doing in the left hand land-- trucks are restricted to the 2 right lanes only."

I was shocked and it must have really shown when I looked at him and said, "Officer, I was taught in high school driver education that slower traffic keeps right and faster traffic passes on the left. And I was damned sure the fastest thing out there."

He looked at his watch and said, "Boy, you're lucky it's shift change, otherwise I'd take you to jail. Now get back in that truck and stay in the two right lanes.

Billy's Giant Tulip

Today I grew a giant tulip. I dug a hole about 18 inches deep, planted a special seed the man at the local hardware, lawn and garden store traded me. Then I watered, added the special fertilizer that came with the seed, and by 4 PM I was snapping photos of this 4 foot tall, blue stemmed, purple tulip growing in my front yard. Don't believe me? Just drive by my house and you can see it for yourself. 

If you click on the picture it will grow even larger but please be careful as my yard isn't very big.

I'm always amazed at the special seeds they save for me at the local hardware store. You should check out the giant mushroom I grew with their help. I keep chopping it down but it always grows back.

Oct 21, 2016

Jimmy's Script

Jimmy thought he had masterminded the perfect crime late in his senior year in high school. He wasn't a big drug user so no one would suspect him and since he wasn't really selling any drugs nothing could go wrong. Or so he thought.

On the way out of his doctor's office after a regular check-up, Jimmy snagged an almost new prescription pad used to write only a few prescriptions by his MD. The indentation of the doctor's signature was easily made out on the top page remaining in the pad.

By the time Jimmy, a senior and already 18, got back to James B Dudley High School the next day word had already gotten around that for a price, Jimmy could sell you a genuine doctor's prescription slip with a well forged doctor's signature already on the pad. All you had to do was fill in the blanks including what kind of prescription drug you wanted, how much and how often you wanted to take it. A trip to your favorite drug store would take care of the rest.

Of course, Jimmy and his customers had forgotten about doctors' script-- the language in which prescriptions are written and doctors and pharmacists regularly communicate. While Jimmy's customers waited for the various pharmacists to fill the obviously forged prescriptions, the pharmacists quietly walked to the back and called the Greensboro Police Department who were waiting at the door as they walked out, in possession of prescription drugs bought with forged prescriptions.

A lot of people were very angry with Jimmy.

I heard Jimmy finished high school after he got out, went to college and got his act together in a city not too far away.

Two Wheel Baby

She's difficult on better days,                                       
miserable the rest.
She seeks the very best in me,
puts my love to the test.
Sometimes she strikes, sometimes she smokes
though I've told her both are bad.
But when I really turn her on
she's the best I've ever had.

My bike, not the girl.

Photo via XS650 Chopper

Oct 20, 2016

Will Tax For Food

"Power corrupts the few, while weakness corrupts the many." -- Eric Hoffer

More from Mr Hoffer, "My writing is done in railroad yards while waiting for a freight, in the fields while waiting for a truck, and at noon after lunch. Towns are too distracting."

Like Eric Hoffer, I am an outcast and believe outcasts have always been the pioneers of society. Hoffer spent his life working as a longshoreman but understood the reason most people don't join in efforts to reform is that they have what they need and fear they might lose it. Hoffer believed that everyone should spend 2 years in civilian national service programs. Problem is, no one recognizes the contributions of the outcast until after we are gone. Yes, Hoffer was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom months before his death but did anyone really listen?

I think Eric Hoffer would agree that the world's economic woes will not end until politicans and government workers can be found on streets carrying signs that read, "Will Tax For Food."
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